The desert-dwelling creosote bush can survive for centuries on little water. In the Mohave Desert there is a ring of creosote, named "King Clone," whose age has been carbon-dated at 11,700 years. The hardiness of this low-maintenance wonder reminds me of you, Virgo. You sometimes entertain the fantasy that the less you need, the stronger you'll be. The downside of this attitude is that you may unwittingly make it hard for people to give you their gifts. The upside is that you've learned many secrets about how to nurture and take care of yourself. But in 2008, I foresee you making a shift away from the creosote bush metaphor. You're more likely to resemble a tomato bush that gets watered regularly.
Ok. I have no idea what to say about this one.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
More Better
Hey everybody,
Ok, so it's Christmastime again, which is usually a big time of reflection for me involving what I accomplished this year balanced against all the things I didn't accomplish this year, and for the first time in a very long time I think I came out on the winning end of that measurement. Mom's been trying to get me to do one of these Christmas letters for years, and I've thought about it a couple times, but seeing as how I actually have things to talk about this year I figured I might as well jump in and try it out. You'll see I did the letter here instead of mailing it out, not because I'm lazy and trying to save money on postage, but it seemed to make more sense this way, as everyone is already included on this big convenient list. However, if anyone feels the urge definitely feel free to print this puppy out and hang it on your refridgerator along with the more traditional Christmas letters that came in actual envelopes.
To start with, I guess I should discuss where I started out this year. 2007 didn't start out as anything resembling a promising year for me. I was in a huge rut in just about every single aspect of my life, I seemed stuck forever in a job I hated, and I felt bitter and depressed every day. By February, which is when I reached just about my lowest point, I was pretty much circling the drain. The world had gotten the best of me and I'd just given up. In times like these it's really hard for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and pull myself out of the rut, so what inevitably happens is that someone, usually a female, is plopped into my life to introduce the sort of catastrophic change necessary to provoke me into pulling my head out of my ass. And that's what happened.
Sometime in March, at my last place of employment, we hired a girl named Jennifer, who was given to me to train. As I'd trained dozens of new people over the years, I didn't impart too much significance into this. She was just yet another new person I had to drag through the day and try to make something out of. However, she and I started to click very well, not just on the job but personally also, leading to the two of us starting to hang out together after work, and eventually dating. More importantly, though, she gave me the needed kick in the ass to get me motivated enough to leave that job and better my life. To say that she literally talked me out the door would not be an understatement.
Which is where Rugers comes in. I'll spare you all the crazy theological talk about destiny, the things I believe in, and so forth, except to say that if not for Jen I'd never have thought to apply at Ruger's in the first place, considering I didn't even know it was there and I'd never even heard of the town of Newport. Jen and I took a field trip to Rugers one afternoon after work, started the long application process, and consequently caused a huge scandal at my then current job. The scandal erupted into a feud, and suffice to say my last six weeks there were really interesting.
I took a pay cut, added 26 miles (each way) to my daily commute, and accepted a start time of 5 AM to leave that job for Rugers, but it was worth leaving there at any cost. Whenever you're in a situation where your stomach starts to get upset on a Sunday evening because you're dreading going into work on Monday morning, it's time for a change. I started at Rugers having no idea how to assemble a gun, but the difference was much like Dorothy Gale stepping out of her black and white Kansas farmhouse into the color world of Oz. This is how it was supposed to be. And even the team leaders and supervisors treated you with respect, something I was not used to at all.
The job itself took some getting used to. 5 AM is a really freaking early time to be anywhere. The ten hour days were another tough adjustment those first few weeks. Many times by Wednesday afternoon I wasn't sure what day it was anymore, and by Thursday I wasn't even sure of my own name. And that doesn't even include the frequent five hour Saturday shifts or the quarterly inventories during which you might be there until god knows when. Meanwhile, I'm learning to do things I'd never thought about learning before. I started on gas-block, and after drilling screws for ten hours I'd start to get a nice groove in the palm of my hand. I've since moved around to slide-fitting, bolt building, bolt lock, and finally bolt-fitting, which is what I've been doing the last few months. Bolt fit is essentially taking the gun, finding a bolt that'll fit in it, finding a firing pin that'll get the right readings in the bolt, and making the thing all work somehow. It's one of the tougher jobs on the line, so that's where I'm trying to make my mark.
These jobs can be somewhat rough on my hands, too. I've bothered and grossed out mom and Colleen both by showing them my various battle-scars, as I call them, which I sort of consider to be badges of honor. To date, and this is an estimation, I've gotten about 150 metal slivers (most of which just stick right out of your hand), hammered my thumb about 15 times, filed over one of my knuckles about a dozen times, pinched my hand between the slide and gas-block about six times (twice hard enough to break the skin), and stuck my thumb with the extractor tool about five times (every time hard enough to draw blood). But it's all part of the fun.
So to summarize that, I love it there. Taking that job meant I had to miss the Regan Open for the first time in it's existence, but from what I heard my team was able to find a great replacement for me. I should be up there for the next one, though.
In October I started looking around for an apartment closer to work, mainly because the prospect of driving all the way from Lebanon in a snowstorm wasn't appealing in the least. I lucked out on the first number I called and was shown a fantastic one bedroom apartment right here in Newport, which I jumped on, even though I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to come up with the first month's rent and security deposit with three week's notice. I just squeaked that by, and I'm now still in the process of arranging this place into what I believe it can be. I have some big, big plans for this apartment.
In case anyone doesn't have this info, here it is:
Shaun Regan
43 Park Street, Apt. 5
Newport, NH 03773
Ok, what else? The other major concern going on in my life right now is the book I'm writing. I've been working on it for some time, and the story told in it is one of great personal significance to me. It is "based on a true story" and "inspired by actual events" ... even though I've come to despise both those terms and the way they're marketed. Besides, I've played around with the structure and everything else so much that the story has really been fictionalized to within an inch of it's life while still containing the same basic thread of the story I started with. But I digress. Writing a novel is difficult and challenging, but it's also the most fun thing I've ever done, and I'm very proud of the work I've put into it so far.
Recently, I started releasing packages of chapters (which I refer to as "Season One") to a few of the people in my inner circle, including a very enthusiastic group in Florida, which is comprised of my best friend, her two daughters, and her older daughter's best friend. There are a couple other packets out there, a few more that I intend to send out, and of course if anyone reading this has any interest it wouldn't be hard for me to print up another one and put it in the mail. (But no pressure! You don't *have* to just to be polite)
My goal, of course, is eventual publication. And then more books to follow.
I guess that's about it. That's been my year -- new job, new apartment, new girlfriend (albeit temporarily), improved focus on my writing gig, and a much improved attitude and outlook on life. And as an added bonus, Colleen and Ian moved closer so we can hang out more. What can be better than that? 2007 was a great year for me. With the momentum I have, I expect next year to be even better.
Everyone have a great Christmas.
love,
Shaun
Ok, so it's Christmastime again, which is usually a big time of reflection for me involving what I accomplished this year balanced against all the things I didn't accomplish this year, and for the first time in a very long time I think I came out on the winning end of that measurement. Mom's been trying to get me to do one of these Christmas letters for years, and I've thought about it a couple times, but seeing as how I actually have things to talk about this year I figured I might as well jump in and try it out. You'll see I did the letter here instead of mailing it out, not because I'm lazy and trying to save money on postage, but it seemed to make more sense this way, as everyone is already included on this big convenient list. However, if anyone feels the urge definitely feel free to print this puppy out and hang it on your refridgerator along with the more traditional Christmas letters that came in actual envelopes.
To start with, I guess I should discuss where I started out this year. 2007 didn't start out as anything resembling a promising year for me. I was in a huge rut in just about every single aspect of my life, I seemed stuck forever in a job I hated, and I felt bitter and depressed every day. By February, which is when I reached just about my lowest point, I was pretty much circling the drain. The world had gotten the best of me and I'd just given up. In times like these it's really hard for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and pull myself out of the rut, so what inevitably happens is that someone, usually a female, is plopped into my life to introduce the sort of catastrophic change necessary to provoke me into pulling my head out of my ass. And that's what happened.
Sometime in March, at my last place of employment, we hired a girl named Jennifer, who was given to me to train. As I'd trained dozens of new people over the years, I didn't impart too much significance into this. She was just yet another new person I had to drag through the day and try to make something out of. However, she and I started to click very well, not just on the job but personally also, leading to the two of us starting to hang out together after work, and eventually dating. More importantly, though, she gave me the needed kick in the ass to get me motivated enough to leave that job and better my life. To say that she literally talked me out the door would not be an understatement.
Which is where Rugers comes in. I'll spare you all the crazy theological talk about destiny, the things I believe in, and so forth, except to say that if not for Jen I'd never have thought to apply at Ruger's in the first place, considering I didn't even know it was there and I'd never even heard of the town of Newport. Jen and I took a field trip to Rugers one afternoon after work, started the long application process, and consequently caused a huge scandal at my then current job. The scandal erupted into a feud, and suffice to say my last six weeks there were really interesting.
I took a pay cut, added 26 miles (each way) to my daily commute, and accepted a start time of 5 AM to leave that job for Rugers, but it was worth leaving there at any cost. Whenever you're in a situation where your stomach starts to get upset on a Sunday evening because you're dreading going into work on Monday morning, it's time for a change. I started at Rugers having no idea how to assemble a gun, but the difference was much like Dorothy Gale stepping out of her black and white Kansas farmhouse into the color world of Oz. This is how it was supposed to be. And even the team leaders and supervisors treated you with respect, something I was not used to at all.
The job itself took some getting used to. 5 AM is a really freaking early time to be anywhere. The ten hour days were another tough adjustment those first few weeks. Many times by Wednesday afternoon I wasn't sure what day it was anymore, and by Thursday I wasn't even sure of my own name. And that doesn't even include the frequent five hour Saturday shifts or the quarterly inventories during which you might be there until god knows when. Meanwhile, I'm learning to do things I'd never thought about learning before. I started on gas-block, and after drilling screws for ten hours I'd start to get a nice groove in the palm of my hand. I've since moved around to slide-fitting, bolt building, bolt lock, and finally bolt-fitting, which is what I've been doing the last few months. Bolt fit is essentially taking the gun, finding a bolt that'll fit in it, finding a firing pin that'll get the right readings in the bolt, and making the thing all work somehow. It's one of the tougher jobs on the line, so that's where I'm trying to make my mark.
These jobs can be somewhat rough on my hands, too. I've bothered and grossed out mom and Colleen both by showing them my various battle-scars, as I call them, which I sort of consider to be badges of honor. To date, and this is an estimation, I've gotten about 150 metal slivers (most of which just stick right out of your hand), hammered my thumb about 15 times, filed over one of my knuckles about a dozen times, pinched my hand between the slide and gas-block about six times (twice hard enough to break the skin), and stuck my thumb with the extractor tool about five times (every time hard enough to draw blood). But it's all part of the fun.
So to summarize that, I love it there. Taking that job meant I had to miss the Regan Open for the first time in it's existence, but from what I heard my team was able to find a great replacement for me. I should be up there for the next one, though.
In October I started looking around for an apartment closer to work, mainly because the prospect of driving all the way from Lebanon in a snowstorm wasn't appealing in the least. I lucked out on the first number I called and was shown a fantastic one bedroom apartment right here in Newport, which I jumped on, even though I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to come up with the first month's rent and security deposit with three week's notice. I just squeaked that by, and I'm now still in the process of arranging this place into what I believe it can be. I have some big, big plans for this apartment.
In case anyone doesn't have this info, here it is:
Shaun Regan
43 Park Street, Apt. 5
Newport, NH 03773
Ok, what else? The other major concern going on in my life right now is the book I'm writing. I've been working on it for some time, and the story told in it is one of great personal significance to me. It is "based on a true story" and "inspired by actual events" ... even though I've come to despise both those terms and the way they're marketed. Besides, I've played around with the structure and everything else so much that the story has really been fictionalized to within an inch of it's life while still containing the same basic thread of the story I started with. But I digress. Writing a novel is difficult and challenging, but it's also the most fun thing I've ever done, and I'm very proud of the work I've put into it so far.
Recently, I started releasing packages of chapters (which I refer to as "Season One") to a few of the people in my inner circle, including a very enthusiastic group in Florida, which is comprised of my best friend, her two daughters, and her older daughter's best friend. There are a couple other packets out there, a few more that I intend to send out, and of course if anyone reading this has any interest it wouldn't be hard for me to print up another one and put it in the mail. (But no pressure! You don't *have* to just to be polite)
My goal, of course, is eventual publication. And then more books to follow.
I guess that's about it. That's been my year -- new job, new apartment, new girlfriend (albeit temporarily), improved focus on my writing gig, and a much improved attitude and outlook on life. And as an added bonus, Colleen and Ian moved closer so we can hang out more. What can be better than that? 2007 was a great year for me. With the momentum I have, I expect next year to be even better.
Everyone have a great Christmas.
love,
Shaun
The Devil Has Emerged
I'm generally considered to be a pretty nice guy. People as generous and nice as Guinevere probably couldn't be convinced otherwise. But the truth is I have a very deep dark side, and I am capable of some pretty horrible things when it comes right down to it. This dark side of me was much more evident when I was in my 20's than it is now, but the potential is always there. Given enough provocation I could be capable of pretty much anything.
Especially if something I really really want is involved.
Over the past few weeks Amy and I have started to get close. You'll remember this is the girl I referred to as being like a kid sister to me. She's also my good buddy Cooter's girlfriend. Situations involving the girlfriends of close friends of mine have come up before, and I haven't been completely honorable in all of my past dealings. I'm trying to remain honorable this time, but there's a whole lot of history against me.
The last time I talked about Amy I touched on the subject of the two year old daughter, Allison, that she and Cooter have. Currently, the two of them are involved in what's turning into a bitter custody battle over the little girl between the two of them and Amy's mother, who currently has custody. I won't get into all the odds and ends of the situation except to say that Amy's mother convinced the courts that Allison would be better off with her, but as far as I can see both Amy and Cooter love Allison very much and are pretty good parents. They're both young, but they try hard, and that should count for something.
Amy and I talk back and forth on MySpace a lot, and I've given her the best advice on a number of things that I can give. We've also got on the subject of Allison, and how I understand it when Amy says it's hard to get up in the morning when Allison isn't there. Through these conversations I think she and I have gotten even closer.
A couple weeks back Cooter mentioned that Amy put him in the deep-freeze sexwise until he would agree to have another baby with her. He's adamantly against that right now, and the fact is that Allison wasn't exactly a planned conception either. I've kidded him on that subject a few times, trying to predict exactly when he'll crack and give in, and I think they've reached some kind of temporary compromise. But the longer the custody battle drags on, I'm sure it'll come up again.
Yesterday morning Amy called me to see if I could take her up to her mom's to pick up Allison. Cooter and her mom do not get along *at all*, and numerous times at work I've heard his exact opinion of her, involving a word I won't use here in this post. It's a word I reserve for exactly two people: my ex-wife and Sue. Anyway, he had a headache or something, so she called me, and since I did make a standing offer to help out with this whenever, I went and picked her up. Amy and I get along pretty well. Her mom was pretty stand-offish, but that's a whole 'nother subject.
When the subject of the tension between them came up a few weeks back over having another kid, my mind started turning over a few possibilities. Ten years ago I might have started laying the groundwork for stealing Amy right out from under Cooter. I'm not after that now, though. She and I, as good as we get along, aren't right for each other in that way.....uh, maybe. However, seeing as she wants a kid, and Cooter doesn't, and ... well ... you know where I am on the subject, I started to ponder something.
I'm not even saying that I'm angling to sleep with her, or trying to manufacture that scenario. I'd be happy to do no more than just donate the material for her own use. Hell, it would get Cooter off the hook. And it would kill a few birds with just one stone, too. I kind of half-seriously floated that idea past Cooter one day while he was bitching about it, and he gave me kind of a glare, and I just grinned back at him. I give him crap whenever he bitches about Amy in general, too ("Hey, if YOU don't want her ..."). He knows I'm just teasing him, but if he knew more about me, where I come from, and what I've done, he might take me as a bit more of a threat.
Don't worry. I know it's a crazy, foolish idea. And the odds of that plan ever coming about are extremely slim.
Even so, wouldn't we have one fine looking baby?
Especially if something I really really want is involved.
Over the past few weeks Amy and I have started to get close. You'll remember this is the girl I referred to as being like a kid sister to me. She's also my good buddy Cooter's girlfriend. Situations involving the girlfriends of close friends of mine have come up before, and I haven't been completely honorable in all of my past dealings. I'm trying to remain honorable this time, but there's a whole lot of history against me.
The last time I talked about Amy I touched on the subject of the two year old daughter, Allison, that she and Cooter have. Currently, the two of them are involved in what's turning into a bitter custody battle over the little girl between the two of them and Amy's mother, who currently has custody. I won't get into all the odds and ends of the situation except to say that Amy's mother convinced the courts that Allison would be better off with her, but as far as I can see both Amy and Cooter love Allison very much and are pretty good parents. They're both young, but they try hard, and that should count for something.
Amy and I talk back and forth on MySpace a lot, and I've given her the best advice on a number of things that I can give. We've also got on the subject of Allison, and how I understand it when Amy says it's hard to get up in the morning when Allison isn't there. Through these conversations I think she and I have gotten even closer.
A couple weeks back Cooter mentioned that Amy put him in the deep-freeze sexwise until he would agree to have another baby with her. He's adamantly against that right now, and the fact is that Allison wasn't exactly a planned conception either. I've kidded him on that subject a few times, trying to predict exactly when he'll crack and give in, and I think they've reached some kind of temporary compromise. But the longer the custody battle drags on, I'm sure it'll come up again.
Yesterday morning Amy called me to see if I could take her up to her mom's to pick up Allison. Cooter and her mom do not get along *at all*, and numerous times at work I've heard his exact opinion of her, involving a word I won't use here in this post. It's a word I reserve for exactly two people: my ex-wife and Sue. Anyway, he had a headache or something, so she called me, and since I did make a standing offer to help out with this whenever, I went and picked her up. Amy and I get along pretty well. Her mom was pretty stand-offish, but that's a whole 'nother subject.
When the subject of the tension between them came up a few weeks back over having another kid, my mind started turning over a few possibilities. Ten years ago I might have started laying the groundwork for stealing Amy right out from under Cooter. I'm not after that now, though. She and I, as good as we get along, aren't right for each other in that way.....uh, maybe. However, seeing as she wants a kid, and Cooter doesn't, and ... well ... you know where I am on the subject, I started to ponder something.
I'm not even saying that I'm angling to sleep with her, or trying to manufacture that scenario. I'd be happy to do no more than just donate the material for her own use. Hell, it would get Cooter off the hook. And it would kill a few birds with just one stone, too. I kind of half-seriously floated that idea past Cooter one day while he was bitching about it, and he gave me kind of a glare, and I just grinned back at him. I give him crap whenever he bitches about Amy in general, too ("Hey, if YOU don't want her ..."). He knows I'm just teasing him, but if he knew more about me, where I come from, and what I've done, he might take me as a bit more of a threat.
Don't worry. I know it's a crazy, foolish idea. And the odds of that plan ever coming about are extremely slim.
Even so, wouldn't we have one fine looking baby?
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
I'm not even sure that what I'm looking for exists in the world anyway. Is it possible that the Destiny that I'm working towards doesn't include that special someone just for me? Are the things that interest me and turn me on so Byzantine and weird that there simply is no perfect match out there? It isn't a case of my having set the bar too high either. I may cite Erica Campbell as "God's Perfect Creation", as I've written a few times in my other blog, but it isn't like I'm expecting to get someone like her. I realize that I'm just an average, regular guy and that the Goddesses of the world may be a little out of my reach. And while I have dabbled in that area from time to time, my ability to attain the unattainable heavily depended on luck and circumstance.
If I'd met any of the girls I've dated, for example, any other way than the way I had, they would have been classified as Unattainable. If not for the circumstances of that kitchen at the time, I doubt Jacquie would have given me a second look, let alone let me get close enough to her that she and Casey would bring me in homemade Thanksgiving dinner because I got stuck working. If I were 19 again right now, and living in Florida, both Rachel and Cinderella would be way out of my league. And this is also why I immediately discount things like Jim's insistance that the hot waitress at Salt Hill was flirting with me, too. I just find that hard to really believe.
Ok, you may say, but you have been able to land some girlfriends that are in the Unattainable range, so what the French, toast? And, you might add, this way of thinking is probably how you end up slumming sometimes, for which there are a couple of famous examples. I know. This is my one fatal flaw. (Yes, I have other flaws, but those are just annoying; they aren't fatal.) I have a lack of self-confidence in this area of my life. As much as I try to maintain some humility while discussing the subject, I do know I'm pretty darn good at writing. I also know that I can learn any job and get really good at it, too. But my ability to believe that I can land a high quality girl is sorely lacking. Why? For a long time I was plagued with crippling self-worth issues, which were exacerbated by the inciting incident of 1992, and led me to believe that I didn't deserve anyone as nice as I wanted. And my failure to turnover a few potential prospects didn't help either, and I won't mention any names here, but some of would know some of them.
Another factor is my true mortal enemy: my innate shyness. Once I get comfortable in a situation I'm fine, but sure enough whenever I'm dropped into a new arena it'll pop up again until I find my footing. At FMC? I was the quiet one for a long while. It took years for the version of me that Guinevere saw there to blossom. What about LSI? I was again the quiet one for a long while. It took forever for me to become as outspoken as I'd later become. And Rugers? Same thing. I'm still the quiet one of that group, but thanks to the work I've done on myself this year, I'm getting past that faster than I usually do. But those are just ordinary work situations, in which I excel. Where the shyness really hurts me is in the talking to females part. If it's at work, and I'm working closely with one, and especially if I'm training one on something, I do fine. It's meeting them out in the wild where I run into trouble. Let's take the waitress at Salt Hill for a good, recent example. I literally had *no idea* what to say to her outside of answering the questions she asked. I was blank, like my brain shut down, and I became little more than a deer in the headlights. And that sucks.
Because what if she did like me? What if other girls elsewhere like me and I just don't know it because I don't know how to talk to them? The situation isn't completely bleak, however. The whole Jen thing did prove that I'm still viable as someone that a cute, smart, and funny girl with tons of personality will be attracted to. I've been critical of the girl, yes, and she was not the right girl for me, no, but she did a lot of good for me. What I needed was a girl like her to come in and kick me in the ass and get me into gear, and she did that. More importantly, she did it without causing some of the lasting damage that sometimes comes with a relationship that doesn't go as well as it could have, because not only do I now have a clearer idea of what I want, I have a much clearer idea of what I *don't* want.
Which may be why things haven't gone anywhere with Sherry yet, even though she very clearly does like me. She's nice and we have a pretty good chemistry, and I don't find her unattractive, but I don't see her as a longterm solution. Whatever spark I'm supposed to feel ... I'm not feeling it. And I'm fighting the urge that sometimes pops up to push towards something with her out of loneliness, or to have a relationship just for the sake of having one because I don't like to be alone. I've fallen into a relationship or three that way in the past, the nature of which pretty much precludes me from being happy, and once I'm unhappy in a relationship things start to fall apart pretty quick.
Yeah, I know. Rome wasn't built in a day. In 2007 I made some amazing progress in numerous areas of my life, and after circling the drain for so long you can't expect to fix everything in the space of six months. But I am working on it. I am figuring out how to tear down the walls of the last few things that need fixing in my life. I'm not done by any means. This is a continuing process of self-improvement. I'm already partway there.
2008 is going to be an interesting year.
If I'd met any of the girls I've dated, for example, any other way than the way I had, they would have been classified as Unattainable. If not for the circumstances of that kitchen at the time, I doubt Jacquie would have given me a second look, let alone let me get close enough to her that she and Casey would bring me in homemade Thanksgiving dinner because I got stuck working. If I were 19 again right now, and living in Florida, both Rachel and Cinderella would be way out of my league. And this is also why I immediately discount things like Jim's insistance that the hot waitress at Salt Hill was flirting with me, too. I just find that hard to really believe.
Ok, you may say, but you have been able to land some girlfriends that are in the Unattainable range, so what the French, toast? And, you might add, this way of thinking is probably how you end up slumming sometimes, for which there are a couple of famous examples. I know. This is my one fatal flaw. (Yes, I have other flaws, but those are just annoying; they aren't fatal.) I have a lack of self-confidence in this area of my life. As much as I try to maintain some humility while discussing the subject, I do know I'm pretty darn good at writing. I also know that I can learn any job and get really good at it, too. But my ability to believe that I can land a high quality girl is sorely lacking. Why? For a long time I was plagued with crippling self-worth issues, which were exacerbated by the inciting incident of 1992, and led me to believe that I didn't deserve anyone as nice as I wanted. And my failure to turnover a few potential prospects didn't help either, and I won't mention any names here, but some of would know some of them.
Another factor is my true mortal enemy: my innate shyness. Once I get comfortable in a situation I'm fine, but sure enough whenever I'm dropped into a new arena it'll pop up again until I find my footing. At FMC? I was the quiet one for a long while. It took years for the version of me that Guinevere saw there to blossom. What about LSI? I was again the quiet one for a long while. It took forever for me to become as outspoken as I'd later become. And Rugers? Same thing. I'm still the quiet one of that group, but thanks to the work I've done on myself this year, I'm getting past that faster than I usually do. But those are just ordinary work situations, in which I excel. Where the shyness really hurts me is in the talking to females part. If it's at work, and I'm working closely with one, and especially if I'm training one on something, I do fine. It's meeting them out in the wild where I run into trouble. Let's take the waitress at Salt Hill for a good, recent example. I literally had *no idea* what to say to her outside of answering the questions she asked. I was blank, like my brain shut down, and I became little more than a deer in the headlights. And that sucks.
Because what if she did like me? What if other girls elsewhere like me and I just don't know it because I don't know how to talk to them? The situation isn't completely bleak, however. The whole Jen thing did prove that I'm still viable as someone that a cute, smart, and funny girl with tons of personality will be attracted to. I've been critical of the girl, yes, and she was not the right girl for me, no, but she did a lot of good for me. What I needed was a girl like her to come in and kick me in the ass and get me into gear, and she did that. More importantly, she did it without causing some of the lasting damage that sometimes comes with a relationship that doesn't go as well as it could have, because not only do I now have a clearer idea of what I want, I have a much clearer idea of what I *don't* want.
Which may be why things haven't gone anywhere with Sherry yet, even though she very clearly does like me. She's nice and we have a pretty good chemistry, and I don't find her unattractive, but I don't see her as a longterm solution. Whatever spark I'm supposed to feel ... I'm not feeling it. And I'm fighting the urge that sometimes pops up to push towards something with her out of loneliness, or to have a relationship just for the sake of having one because I don't like to be alone. I've fallen into a relationship or three that way in the past, the nature of which pretty much precludes me from being happy, and once I'm unhappy in a relationship things start to fall apart pretty quick.
Yeah, I know. Rome wasn't built in a day. In 2007 I made some amazing progress in numerous areas of my life, and after circling the drain for so long you can't expect to fix everything in the space of six months. But I am working on it. I am figuring out how to tear down the walls of the last few things that need fixing in my life. I'm not done by any means. This is a continuing process of self-improvement. I'm already partway there.
2008 is going to be an interesting year.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Quote of the Week
Given his propensity for saying bizarre things, Cooter may very well become a regular contributor for this feature. I'll set the quote up and then let it speak for itself.
Yesterday while the two of us were cooling our heels during inventory, after everyone else in the department had been allowed to leave, waiting for the computer to spit out the list of disputed part counts, we were discussing how it would be nice if they could hire someone to be a permanent slide-fitter, seeing as we're short since Dave left and Eric got himself fired. Because bolt-fit, which we both do, is a tough enough gig without having to file and straighten your own slides, too. We got on the subject of how it would be nice to have more attractive females around, but then I said (and this has been told to me by Mike and Barney both) that they won't hire a female to fill that spot, most likely, even though Amanda was the one who trained me to fit slides way back when, just the same way that they never have the two girls we do have gas block or bolt fit, let alone do Fred's job. The two girls we have, and this puts the following quote in more perspective, Amanda and Christy, are both whiter than Wonder Bread, by the way.
So I said something to the effect of: "They aren't going to hire another girl for the cell. They aren't going to have a girl do slides or bolt fit."
Cooter: "Now, you can't be racist."
Yesterday while the two of us were cooling our heels during inventory, after everyone else in the department had been allowed to leave, waiting for the computer to spit out the list of disputed part counts, we were discussing how it would be nice if they could hire someone to be a permanent slide-fitter, seeing as we're short since Dave left and Eric got himself fired. Because bolt-fit, which we both do, is a tough enough gig without having to file and straighten your own slides, too. We got on the subject of how it would be nice to have more attractive females around, but then I said (and this has been told to me by Mike and Barney both) that they won't hire a female to fill that spot, most likely, even though Amanda was the one who trained me to fit slides way back when, just the same way that they never have the two girls we do have gas block or bolt fit, let alone do Fred's job. The two girls we have, and this puts the following quote in more perspective, Amanda and Christy, are both whiter than Wonder Bread, by the way.
So I said something to the effect of: "They aren't going to hire another girl for the cell. They aren't going to have a girl do slides or bolt fit."
Cooter: "Now, you can't be racist."
Goddam It, I'll Tell You Why
Now this post isn't the first of the planned trilogy of year-end wrap-up posts, which will be forthcoming, and you'll know them when you see them, but as the major impetus for writing it just exploded in my head like a hand grenade, it's a post I just couldn't not write. I'm not sure how exactly, but the tone of this is somewhat influenced by the month's worth of posts I just read from the great blog find of recent memory. Why I never searched the blogosphere for blogs like this, and apparently there are several others I haven't gotten to yet, I'll never know. Usually I do search out whatever format I'm working within to find all the best stuff and then wallow in it. But outside of the blogs connected to the Libbyverse that I still check in with from time to time (most of which have been far less interesting in her abscence from the scene), and outside of the two outstanding blogs written by young females in Guinevere's book club -- both of which I wish updated more often -- I haven't looked around much.
Then I was linked to 'Every Day Is Like Wednesday', a comic book related blog filled with so much smarky attitude and plain common sense that it's been my guilty pleasure addiction for the last four days, and in fact I just spent two hours reading the entire output for July of this year, and in several places I laughed my freaking ass off. I'm not sure how well all of the humor would translate to a non-comics reader, but I urge you to at least give it a try. If none of the hand-drawn episodes of Batman giving somewhat insensitive gifts to his various teammates with a total deadpan attitude don't at least make you smile a little then I give up.
Yeah, but what inspired this post then? I spent that two hours reading that blog rather than wrapping X-Mas presents, rather than working on a chapter, rather than doing other more productive things, like the three posts I still intend to do before I leave here tomorrow, and then I felt a little guilty about spending that time, even though I did enjoy myself. I felt that same guilt a couple weeks ago after playing four straight hours of Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth on the PS2, even though that was a lot of fun. And tomorrow I'm heading to Massachusetts and I know if I dick around here too long people will start wondering where the frick I am and all, and all of this was playing through my head back and forth like a ping pong ball, and then I hit upon the soundbyte that inspired this whole post.
I'm on vacation. This is my first vacation in a year. I gave up my summer vacation and week at camp to go work at a new job. In my six months there I haven't missed a single day, and I haven't even left early or come in late. Not once. I perform a very difficult and critical part of the line. I work a grueling weekly schedule of ten hour days and then five more hours on most Saturdays, all of which require me to be there at 5 AM. Additionally, I'm responsible for the rent and all the bills in my life, and I don't have a roommate or girlfriend to split them with. And let's not forget about the book, which I have to squeeze around my insane work schedule, and the fact that writing a novel is a challenging endeavor ... even when it isn't about something so deeply personal. On top of that, I'm not getting laid. So there's some pressure weighing on me, and if I want to spend two frikking hours of my vacation -- or any other freetime, for that matter -- enjoying myself by reading an entertaining blog on a subject I've been a fan of since I was three years old, that's what I'm goddam going to do. And that goes for the rest of my vacation, too. I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to. And that's that.
That isn't me yelling at any of you, or anyone else out there in the world, by the way. It's me yelling at the part of my brain that makes me feel bad whenever I indulge myself a little. For the next week that part of my brain can just SHUT THE HELL UP!
I feel better now.
Then I was linked to 'Every Day Is Like Wednesday', a comic book related blog filled with so much smarky attitude and plain common sense that it's been my guilty pleasure addiction for the last four days, and in fact I just spent two hours reading the entire output for July of this year, and in several places I laughed my freaking ass off. I'm not sure how well all of the humor would translate to a non-comics reader, but I urge you to at least give it a try. If none of the hand-drawn episodes of Batman giving somewhat insensitive gifts to his various teammates with a total deadpan attitude don't at least make you smile a little then I give up.
Yeah, but what inspired this post then? I spent that two hours reading that blog rather than wrapping X-Mas presents, rather than working on a chapter, rather than doing other more productive things, like the three posts I still intend to do before I leave here tomorrow, and then I felt a little guilty about spending that time, even though I did enjoy myself. I felt that same guilt a couple weeks ago after playing four straight hours of Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth on the PS2, even though that was a lot of fun. And tomorrow I'm heading to Massachusetts and I know if I dick around here too long people will start wondering where the frick I am and all, and all of this was playing through my head back and forth like a ping pong ball, and then I hit upon the soundbyte that inspired this whole post.
I'm on vacation. This is my first vacation in a year. I gave up my summer vacation and week at camp to go work at a new job. In my six months there I haven't missed a single day, and I haven't even left early or come in late. Not once. I perform a very difficult and critical part of the line. I work a grueling weekly schedule of ten hour days and then five more hours on most Saturdays, all of which require me to be there at 5 AM. Additionally, I'm responsible for the rent and all the bills in my life, and I don't have a roommate or girlfriend to split them with. And let's not forget about the book, which I have to squeeze around my insane work schedule, and the fact that writing a novel is a challenging endeavor ... even when it isn't about something so deeply personal. On top of that, I'm not getting laid. So there's some pressure weighing on me, and if I want to spend two frikking hours of my vacation -- or any other freetime, for that matter -- enjoying myself by reading an entertaining blog on a subject I've been a fan of since I was three years old, that's what I'm goddam going to do. And that goes for the rest of my vacation, too. I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to. And that's that.
That isn't me yelling at any of you, or anyone else out there in the world, by the way. It's me yelling at the part of my brain that makes me feel bad whenever I indulge myself a little. For the next week that part of my brain can just SHUT THE HELL UP!
I feel better now.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Inventory 3
Today after work several of us gathered at the Salt Hill Pub for a few drinks. While I'm still the quiet one of the group, which was remarked upon by Christy ... and one extremely drunk girl from the machine shop ... I'm doing my best to show up at any and all of these social events. So far I'm 3 for 3. And it was a pretty good time, although somewhat subdued as we were all dead dog tired. Jim was of the opinion that the cute bartendress was flirting with me, but I don't know if that was really true. She is working in a bar, after all, and it's part of her job to be a good hostess. Even so, I think I'll be making another visit to Salt Hill in the near future.
Tomorrow morning is inventory. Normally such a thing would have been done today so that everyone can begin their X-Mas holiday. However, the powers that be decreed that today would be a production day so as to increase the number of guns put out before the end of the year. Tomorrow's inventory started off as voluntary, but so few of us (I was one of them) volunteered that Jim, Fred, and Brad were officially asked to come in to help out. Brad had a good excuse, but Jim and Fred, and now most of us, are showing up to work on the inventory. A normal Saturday morning shift is only 5 Am to 10 AM, but since it's inventory I have no earthly idea what time we'll be getting out of there. Even so, after that's over with I'm off until January 2nd, which will be my first vacation in a year, so I can deal with it.
This is my third inventory since being employed at Rugers. The first one was on my second day there. We all counted the parts and then most of the senior crew was set loose while Cooter, Jason, and I stayed to take care of the things the computer kicked out. Last time it was the same thing, and Cooter, David, and I stayed behind. See the pattern? Guess who's probably going to be staying behind tomorrow until god knows when. I'll be one of them. Hell, I don't care. It's good money.
At some point on Monday I'll be leaving for Massachusetts. Before then I will be writing a series of posts for this wrapping up this whole incredible year. Right now I envision the series as a trilogy, climaxing with my "Christmas Letter", which will also be crossposted into the family e-mail chain. Some of my other relatives do a Christmas letter every year, but none of them do it quite the way that I have it in my head to write it, so it could cause a bit of a stir. The middle post of the trilogy, however, will be a far more controversial post, but the good thing there is that nobody but you fine readers will ever see it.
Speaking of, I'd like to wish my regular Stray Bullets readers a terrific holiday, and in case I don't post from Massachusetts, a happy New Year as well. 2008 is going to be an amazing year for me, because I have plans. Big big plans. And to the four readers I know about -- Guinevere, Colleen, Rachel, and Cinderella -- I want to thank y'all for tuning in and making this blog experiment a success. I really appreciate it.
Stay tuned.
Tomorrow morning is inventory. Normally such a thing would have been done today so that everyone can begin their X-Mas holiday. However, the powers that be decreed that today would be a production day so as to increase the number of guns put out before the end of the year. Tomorrow's inventory started off as voluntary, but so few of us (I was one of them) volunteered that Jim, Fred, and Brad were officially asked to come in to help out. Brad had a good excuse, but Jim and Fred, and now most of us, are showing up to work on the inventory. A normal Saturday morning shift is only 5 Am to 10 AM, but since it's inventory I have no earthly idea what time we'll be getting out of there. Even so, after that's over with I'm off until January 2nd, which will be my first vacation in a year, so I can deal with it.
This is my third inventory since being employed at Rugers. The first one was on my second day there. We all counted the parts and then most of the senior crew was set loose while Cooter, Jason, and I stayed to take care of the things the computer kicked out. Last time it was the same thing, and Cooter, David, and I stayed behind. See the pattern? Guess who's probably going to be staying behind tomorrow until god knows when. I'll be one of them. Hell, I don't care. It's good money.
At some point on Monday I'll be leaving for Massachusetts. Before then I will be writing a series of posts for this wrapping up this whole incredible year. Right now I envision the series as a trilogy, climaxing with my "Christmas Letter", which will also be crossposted into the family e-mail chain. Some of my other relatives do a Christmas letter every year, but none of them do it quite the way that I have it in my head to write it, so it could cause a bit of a stir. The middle post of the trilogy, however, will be a far more controversial post, but the good thing there is that nobody but you fine readers will ever see it.
Speaking of, I'd like to wish my regular Stray Bullets readers a terrific holiday, and in case I don't post from Massachusetts, a happy New Year as well. 2008 is going to be an amazing year for me, because I have plans. Big big plans. And to the four readers I know about -- Guinevere, Colleen, Rachel, and Cinderella -- I want to thank y'all for tuning in and making this blog experiment a success. I really appreciate it.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Card Sharks
I dove headfirst into Chapter 9 this week, and I have to say this is probably the single most fun chapter to work on, and aside from Chapter 2, it's probably my favorite overall so far. It's a one scene chapter in which four of Alyssa's friends show up for a game of poker, Kelly sits in, and Emma is there in the periphery of the apartment. People in on the joke know that Alyssa's four friends here are based on four people from the old FMC crew circa 1998, and even though a lot of people from that era are in the book somewhere, I think these four were nailed especially well. I don't know if Guinevere remembers who they're based on from having read and discussed the chapter back in the day, but I'd be surprised if she can't pick out who two of them are right off the bat. A third one is probably really gettable, too. The fourth might not be one you'd think of right away, but I bet you'd recognize her as being that character if I pointed it out. Who knows? All four might be really obvious for all I know.
This chapter caused kind of a stir back when I first wrote it, because while I wasn't letting anyone but Guin and Krysten read the whole shebang, I let a lot of people read this particular chapter, including one of the people one of the characters is based on, and she thought it was *hilarious*. In fact, of the four, I think I nailed her the hardest, because she's a really easy person to get down on paper. She was even reading bits of it outloud in the kitchen. It got so far out there that I scaled back after this and kept subsequent chapters to my two regular readers. Still, that brief time in the spotlight was a lot of fun.
A lot of the reason I enjoy this chapter, aside from the interaction of those five characters (including Alyssa, who was pretty much writing herself by this point of the book), is Kelly's involvement in the game, because being thrown in the middle of all that girltalk with those personalities involved provided a lot of comical moments of embarassment for the poor boy, and that's fun to work with. There's also some really sneaky things that I've worked into the chapter, which might not stand out during the first read, but will be more significant when you know more. And there's a really nice moment with Emma that closes out the chapter, too, which actually justifies the whole card game.
There's a lot of good lines thrown around in the chapter, which I can say because I'm often a mark for my own writing when I'm working on a level like this, and Alyssa probably has my favorite of them all. It might not be one that stands out to someone reading, but I think it's something that's very nicely put in response to something Kelly says after being cross-examined by a couple of the other characters.
I should be done with this one tomorrow night. Then Chapter 10 is humongous, and that might take me a little while to get through. Since I'll be on X-Mas vacation pretty soon, I'm hoping to slam it down pretty hard.
I'll let you know how that goes.
This chapter caused kind of a stir back when I first wrote it, because while I wasn't letting anyone but Guin and Krysten read the whole shebang, I let a lot of people read this particular chapter, including one of the people one of the characters is based on, and she thought it was *hilarious*. In fact, of the four, I think I nailed her the hardest, because she's a really easy person to get down on paper. She was even reading bits of it outloud in the kitchen. It got so far out there that I scaled back after this and kept subsequent chapters to my two regular readers. Still, that brief time in the spotlight was a lot of fun.
A lot of the reason I enjoy this chapter, aside from the interaction of those five characters (including Alyssa, who was pretty much writing herself by this point of the book), is Kelly's involvement in the game, because being thrown in the middle of all that girltalk with those personalities involved provided a lot of comical moments of embarassment for the poor boy, and that's fun to work with. There's also some really sneaky things that I've worked into the chapter, which might not stand out during the first read, but will be more significant when you know more. And there's a really nice moment with Emma that closes out the chapter, too, which actually justifies the whole card game.
There's a lot of good lines thrown around in the chapter, which I can say because I'm often a mark for my own writing when I'm working on a level like this, and Alyssa probably has my favorite of them all. It might not be one that stands out to someone reading, but I think it's something that's very nicely put in response to something Kelly says after being cross-examined by a couple of the other characters.
I should be done with this one tomorrow night. Then Chapter 10 is humongous, and that might take me a little while to get through. Since I'll be on X-Mas vacation pretty soon, I'm hoping to slam it down pretty hard.
I'll let you know how that goes.
Diary of a Virgo, volume 27
"Life is a punishment," wrote poet Robert Frost. "All we can contribute to it is gracefulness in taking the punishment." That's the opposite of my philosophy. I say life is a miraculous gift, and the best way to express our gratitude is to be fountains of generosity. Where do you stand on the issue, Virgo? Even if you've had a view like Frost's up to this point in your journey, I think you'll have good reasons to convert to my perspective in 2008. You will, of course, have to be open to that possibility in order for it to happen. If you're addicted to believing that life is punishment, you'll miss a flood of clues contradicting that quaint notion.
Actually, while I might have agreed with Mr. Frost there earlier this year, I've since come around on the subject. It's been a very good year.
Actually, while I might have agreed with Mr. Frost there earlier this year, I've since come around on the subject. It's been a very good year.
Monday, December 17, 2007
2007 Year End Movie Wrap-Up
Given that it's unlikely that I'm going to see anything in the next few weeks that's going to blow my socks off, I might as well go ahead and award the trophy for Best Movie of 2007. Yes, what I like it quirky, as you'll see, but I like what I like and I know an awesome movie when I see one. For most of the year I thought I was going to give the nod to Grindhouse, because that double-feature was one of the best times I've had at a movie period, but seeing as how both movies have kinda been seperated into their own entities, such as seperate dvd releases and such, I don't feel right doing that. Planet Terror and Death Proof are both great, and are probably #'s 2 and 3 on my yearly list, although Hot Fuzz belongs up there, too, but neither of them are better than my pick for the top spot: 300. Oh yeah, 300 is violent and bloody and visionary in it's special effects, and even does it's source material one better (Frank Miller's graphic novel of the same name), but at it's core it's just a really entertaining and fun movie ... if you like that sort of thing, and by god I do.
Naming the movie of the year is one of my small pleasures, and has been since I started going back to the theaters in 2001, after taking a few years away. To tell the truth, I didn't see nearly as many movies this year as in previous years, but I don't think I missed anything that would upend 300.
For the fun of it, here's the top 5 for 2007:
1. 300
2. Death Proof
3. Hot Fuzz
4. Planet Terror
5. 30 Days of Night
And here are the previous winners:
2001: Josie and the Pussycats
2002: Spider-Man
2003: Kill Bill, vol. 1
2004: The Incredibles
2005: Walk the Line
2006: The Prestige
2007: 300
Of all those, perhaps Josie and the Pussycats is the most questionable, but it's really underrated, has a lot of great stuff in there, and more importantly, it came along at just the right time in my life and has a ton of sentimental value for me. Give it a shot. You might like it.
See you again at the end of 2008.
Naming the movie of the year is one of my small pleasures, and has been since I started going back to the theaters in 2001, after taking a few years away. To tell the truth, I didn't see nearly as many movies this year as in previous years, but I don't think I missed anything that would upend 300.
For the fun of it, here's the top 5 for 2007:
1. 300
2. Death Proof
3. Hot Fuzz
4. Planet Terror
5. 30 Days of Night
And here are the previous winners:
2001: Josie and the Pussycats
2002: Spider-Man
2003: Kill Bill, vol. 1
2004: The Incredibles
2005: Walk the Line
2006: The Prestige
2007: 300
Of all those, perhaps Josie and the Pussycats is the most questionable, but it's really underrated, has a lot of great stuff in there, and more importantly, it came along at just the right time in my life and has a ton of sentimental value for me. Give it a shot. You might like it.
See you again at the end of 2008.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Ultimate Badass
Yesterday on my way to Keene I stopped by the old comic store in Lebanon. My last 'apartment' was only half a mile from it, which was pretty convenient. I took that detour for two reasons: 1) I've been on the lookout for something for the last few weeks; 2) he's closing the store and this was one of my last opportunities to stop in. Yes, the comic store that's been a staple of my Wednesday afternoons since I first moved up here is going to close. Tom, the owner, told me that the same week that I moved out of Lebanon to Newport, and that seemed kind of significant to me at the time, even though I can't really explain it now.
Anyway, what I was looking for had finally arrived: the hardcover collection of the Ultimates, vol. 2. The Ultimates is part of Marvel's relatively new Ultimate Universe line, in which many of their classic characters are reimagined for a more contemporary world. The line is hit or miss, but the Ultimates, which takes the Avengers and updates them into a big widescreen smash-up is just incredible. The first volume is one of my favorite things ever, so getting the sequel was a no-brainer. There is a volume 3, which just started coming out, but as the creative team has changed, it isn't the same, and in fact it's complete garbage. Fortunately, the first two volumes are so great that they can't be tarnished.
I'm something of a connisseur of badass comic books. I read all different kinds, but the ones that always loom the largest in my imagination and have the most influence over my own work are the baddest of the badass, which is to say that they're more adult and more violent than most other comic books. Violence is just something that tends to attract me to things, from books and movies to tv shows and comic books.
Here's my list of the greatest Badass Comics you'll ever see:
-- Preacher by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon
-- The Authority by Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch
-- The Ultimates, vol. 1 by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch
-- The Ultimates, vol. 2 by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch
-- Planetary by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday
-- Stray Bullets by David Lapham
-- Sin City by Frank Miller
-- The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
-- Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
-- The Golden Age by James Robinson and Paul Smith
-- Wanted by Mark Millar and JG Jones
-- Swamp Thing by Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, and John Totleben
-- Iron Fist by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and David Aja
-- Daughters of the Dragon by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray, and Khari Evans
-- The Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday
-- Captain America by Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting
-- Nextwave by Warren Ellis and Stuart Immomen
I'd also be remiss if I didn't list the excellent Justice League and Justice League Unlimited animated series, which were unfailingly badass all the way through.
You can't go wrong with any of this.
Anyway, what I was looking for had finally arrived: the hardcover collection of the Ultimates, vol. 2. The Ultimates is part of Marvel's relatively new Ultimate Universe line, in which many of their classic characters are reimagined for a more contemporary world. The line is hit or miss, but the Ultimates, which takes the Avengers and updates them into a big widescreen smash-up is just incredible. The first volume is one of my favorite things ever, so getting the sequel was a no-brainer. There is a volume 3, which just started coming out, but as the creative team has changed, it isn't the same, and in fact it's complete garbage. Fortunately, the first two volumes are so great that they can't be tarnished.
I'm something of a connisseur of badass comic books. I read all different kinds, but the ones that always loom the largest in my imagination and have the most influence over my own work are the baddest of the badass, which is to say that they're more adult and more violent than most other comic books. Violence is just something that tends to attract me to things, from books and movies to tv shows and comic books.
Here's my list of the greatest Badass Comics you'll ever see:
-- Preacher by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon
-- The Authority by Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch
-- The Ultimates, vol. 1 by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch
-- The Ultimates, vol. 2 by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch
-- Planetary by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday
-- Stray Bullets by David Lapham
-- Sin City by Frank Miller
-- The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
-- Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
-- The Golden Age by James Robinson and Paul Smith
-- Wanted by Mark Millar and JG Jones
-- Swamp Thing by Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, and John Totleben
-- Iron Fist by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and David Aja
-- Daughters of the Dragon by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray, and Khari Evans
-- The Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday
-- Captain America by Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting
-- Nextwave by Warren Ellis and Stuart Immomen
I'd also be remiss if I didn't list the excellent Justice League and Justice League Unlimited animated series, which were unfailingly badass all the way through.
You can't go wrong with any of this.
Metallica: Balls Out
You'll have to forgive the Joyridian nature of the next two posts while I get a couple of things off my mind while also gearing up for two longer, deeper posts. A few weeks ago I was chatting online with a friend of mine (or rather, one of Lib's friends), and we were discussing putting together a compilation of the best Metallica songs, with the caveat that we had to take 3 and only 3 songs from each album (excepting S&M and the live box set). That seemed too easy, so I then figured that only two songs from each album would be more realistic. That made it quite a bit harder, as we both had to cut songs we really liked. So, keeping in character with Libby, I decided I'd just go for the throat and take the faster and more furious songs. The name "Balls Out" suggested itself as a title for the record.
Anyway, here's what I went with. You'll either already know which album I'm taking these from, or couldn't care less, so I'll just skip that part.
Seek and Destroy/Whiplash
For Whom the Bell Tolls/Creeping Death
Battery/Sanatarium
So What?/Am I Evil?
Blackened/Harvester of Sorrow
Enter Sandman/Sad But True
Until it Sleeps/Bleeding Me
Fuel/The Memory Remains
Astronomy/Die Die My Darling
Frantic/The Unnamed Feeling
Sure, I'd buy that.
Anyway, here's what I went with. You'll either already know which album I'm taking these from, or couldn't care less, so I'll just skip that part.
Seek and Destroy/Whiplash
For Whom the Bell Tolls/Creeping Death
Battery/Sanatarium
So What?/Am I Evil?
Blackened/Harvester of Sorrow
Enter Sandman/Sad But True
Until it Sleeps/Bleeding Me
Fuel/The Memory Remains
Astronomy/Die Die My Darling
Frantic/The Unnamed Feeling
Sure, I'd buy that.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
All Hell's A Coming
Sometime tonight, or tomorrow, continuing into Monday, we're supposed to get creamed with a Nor'easter. Talk around the shop has the estimates at anywhere from six inches to three feet, so who knows? We had a good storm Thursday that dumped six inches on us, and that was hellish enough. Traffic leaving Rugers was backed up from the traffic circle in Newport almost all the way back to the shop. I stupidly decided to take Winter Street, which has a slight incline, and while the snow wasn't especially deep yet the roads hadn't been touched, and my poor little babygirl barely made it up the hill. You'd think with a name like Winter Street I might have detected the omen inherent there, but no. My plans were to go to Lebanon that afternoon, since it was payday, but the roads were in horrible condition, so that got scrapped until last night.
Tomorrow is supposed to be worse. People are already planning on not going to work Monday in the wake of this storm that's grown to almost biblical proportions even before the first snowflake has fallen. I live closer than anyone else in Mini-14, so I really have the least excuse not to make it ... even though that was also true of my department at LSI and I used to call out on snowdays whenever I damn well felt like it. But that was then and this is now, and I'm trying to establish a level of dependability above the usual levels. So far I haven't missed a day in six months. That's far shy of my old FMC runs where I'd go 15 months without a sick day (although I did use scheduled personal days, but that isn't the same), but we'll see how it goes.
My little Honda fairs reasonably well in the snow, but I'm not going to push my luck. I'm going to Keene later tonight to see my dad perform, but I'm coming back after rather than staying in Massachusetts. Jade (the car) and I had a rough experience once when I came back on a New Year's Day during a blizzard, which was just a trickle in Bernardston, light snow in Brattleboro, and a heapload of snow by the time I got into the mountains of Springfield and Windsor. Well, we're not having a repeat of that. Nope, I'm going to stay in tomorrow, work on Chapter 9, do some other stuff around the house I need to do, and probably help out shovelling the driveway.
Other than that, I'm not going far.
Tomorrow is supposed to be worse. People are already planning on not going to work Monday in the wake of this storm that's grown to almost biblical proportions even before the first snowflake has fallen. I live closer than anyone else in Mini-14, so I really have the least excuse not to make it ... even though that was also true of my department at LSI and I used to call out on snowdays whenever I damn well felt like it. But that was then and this is now, and I'm trying to establish a level of dependability above the usual levels. So far I haven't missed a day in six months. That's far shy of my old FMC runs where I'd go 15 months without a sick day (although I did use scheduled personal days, but that isn't the same), but we'll see how it goes.
My little Honda fairs reasonably well in the snow, but I'm not going to push my luck. I'm going to Keene later tonight to see my dad perform, but I'm coming back after rather than staying in Massachusetts. Jade (the car) and I had a rough experience once when I came back on a New Year's Day during a blizzard, which was just a trickle in Bernardston, light snow in Brattleboro, and a heapload of snow by the time I got into the mountains of Springfield and Windsor. Well, we're not having a repeat of that. Nope, I'm going to stay in tomorrow, work on Chapter 9, do some other stuff around the house I need to do, and probably help out shovelling the driveway.
Other than that, I'm not going far.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Diary of a Virgo, volume 26
At Free Will Astrology, we love to turn things upside-down and inside-out every now and then. It keeps our mental hygiene sparkling clean, and yours, too. This week, in order to incite a purifying ruckus, we're offering you a challenge from psychologist James Hillman. Please suck the following thoughts into the deepest recesses of your understanding, and enjoy the brainstorms they detonate: "By accepting the idea that you are the effect of a subtle buffeting between hereditary and societal forces, you reduce yourself to a result. The more your life is accounted for by what already occurred in your chromosomes, by what your parents did or didn't do, and by your early years now long past, the more your biography is the story of a victim." What I'm trying to tell you, Virgo, is that it's a fine time to rebel against your genetic heritage, your upbringing, and your conditioning. Imagine a life for yourself in which you don't believe that those factors control what you're capable of.
It's amazing how this particular astrologer can sometimes cut right to the heart of what's going on inside my head.
Imagine that life indeed.
It's amazing how this particular astrologer can sometimes cut right to the heart of what's going on inside my head.
Imagine that life indeed.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Grindcore
It took me a little while, but I managed to find a solution to the problems faced in the staff meeting scene. Before it goes to publishing I'll probably give it another look so as to comb it a little smoother, but as solutions go ... it isn't bad. The end of that scene posed another problem, which I steamrolled over after about ten minutes of thought. Near the end of the meeting Dana raises an issue that involves a conflict with another part of the hospital. In the original version that's all it was. In the revised factory edition of that scene it was changed to be a conflict with engineering, and to make it work I added Alexis to the stew, which made the whole thing so much better. Thus the problem was how to switch it back to the hospital and retain Alexis's involvement in the issue, because it works so much better with that character in the mix. Again, it might need another look, but a successful solution was navigated.
The chapter ends with a two-part scene in Alyssa and Emma's apartment. I may say this a lot, but this scene is absolutely *crucial* to the Kelly/Alyssa/Emma dynamic that's been brewing since chapter 3. Since it's so crucial, it has to be done just so. The first part of the scene was a piece of cake, at least in the writing of it. A tune up here and there made it pretty smooth, and the addition of one line of dialogue added a new dimension to everything. I like when that happens. What wasn't easy was jumping into the scene. Since the basic structure of this storyline is adapted from real events, I could remember very vividly living through what happens here, and a small knot tightened in my stomach in anticipation of Kelly having to say something to Emma that he'd rather not have to say. I'll get that same knot again in chapter 13, but for much different reasons.
It occurs to me that the staging of the book is a little odd. I mean, story and plotwise it's fine. But the way everything is blocked out into seperate, stand alone scenes, like I'm shooting it for television, just seems weird to me now that I've stopped to think about it. I'm sure I'm not inventing the wheel or doing anything unique in this approach, but in retrospect it really seems an oddball way to go about writing a novel.
This isn't a complaint. I actually like it this way.
The chapter ends with a two-part scene in Alyssa and Emma's apartment. I may say this a lot, but this scene is absolutely *crucial* to the Kelly/Alyssa/Emma dynamic that's been brewing since chapter 3. Since it's so crucial, it has to be done just so. The first part of the scene was a piece of cake, at least in the writing of it. A tune up here and there made it pretty smooth, and the addition of one line of dialogue added a new dimension to everything. I like when that happens. What wasn't easy was jumping into the scene. Since the basic structure of this storyline is adapted from real events, I could remember very vividly living through what happens here, and a small knot tightened in my stomach in anticipation of Kelly having to say something to Emma that he'd rather not have to say. I'll get that same knot again in chapter 13, but for much different reasons.
It occurs to me that the staging of the book is a little odd. I mean, story and plotwise it's fine. But the way everything is blocked out into seperate, stand alone scenes, like I'm shooting it for television, just seems weird to me now that I've stopped to think about it. I'm sure I'm not inventing the wheel or doing anything unique in this approach, but in retrospect it really seems an oddball way to go about writing a novel.
This isn't a complaint. I actually like it this way.
Friday, December 07, 2007
The Other Relatives
During the course of my writing I sometimes stop and ponder what themes I'm trying to get across in the book. Theme isn't something I spend a lot of time worrying about. My thought is that most of what the author believes in is going to show up in his or her work anyway, so it isn't something I need to get bogged down with during the creation process. Besides, many a good book has been ruined for me through the sort of critical dissection that takes place in the English classes I've taken when well-meaning teachers can't just leave well enough alone. Even so, I sometimes wonder about my themes.
And I don't know how to answer the question. I can't sum it up in one quick sentence to say that the theme of my book is such and such and this or that. But there are things I can point to in there as smaller examples. It shows, for instance, how old scars sometimes never heal and how ghosts of the past can haunt you forever. And how sometimes you can't help who you happen to fall in love with, regardless of any other circumstances around the both of you. And I go back again and again to the idea that your best friend is the one person who will always stick up for you no matter what happens. I noticed that one on this most recent revision. If I look at all the best friend pairings that I've set up -- like Alyssa and Emma, Kelly and Ben, Laurel and Cindy, Gwen and Alexis -- each side will go right to the wall for the other, no questions asked, no doubt about it. Also, no matter how hard they try some people can't escape their own basic nature. On the flipside, if something is important enough to someone, they just might be able to overcome their worst instincts. And my favorite one: the idea that Family can go beyond just the happenstance of blood relations and can include the most important people around you.
Now I am blessed with a great family, that's true. But I've believed that last idea for a long time. I've seen it in action, like how Jacquie and Casey seemed to be family, like is shown in a recent post in Cinderella's blog. I set up the Libbyverse that way, too. Among the six principal females in that group only two are blood related, but all of them are family. I played up that dynamic in numerous posts for my other blog, just because I so enjoyed exploring the idea. One of the best episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer lays out this same idea in the last scene. And I've dabbled in this philosophy myself at times.
Maybe it's because I don't have a large group of friends that's existed over a long period of time that I add surrogate family members to my life (often temporarily) from time to time. Usually they're female, but Dan and I used to refer to each other as brothers in all kinds of mixed company. He's the only pseudo-brother I've had, though. More often it manifests itself with girls who become "like a sister to me". Now this is not meant to diminish my own real life sister in any way, because Colleen is an awesome sister and an essential ingredient to my continued happiness and well being. These things develop nonetheless.
I'll admit, a lot of this sort of thing occurs as a way to try to ward off sexual tension on my part before it drives me crackers, hence my nieces Jacquie and Casey, my kid sister Shannon, and the big sister I never had Guinevere. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but I take these things seriously. I was very protective of all my FMC crew, but especially those two. I've already posted about what I would have done for Shannon. And I'd do just about anything for Guinevere if she needed something from me. There are roles I play better than others, and the brother thing is one of my better ones.
Which brings me around to my point. I'm almost doing it again, this time with Cooter's girlfriend Amy. Before we make any assumptions here, though, yes I do like her ... but it hasn't turned into one of those kind of things yet. She's young, and after the Jen fiasco I'm wondering if maybe I should just stay away from the younger girls. Anyway, a whole post could (and might be) written on the Cooter-Amy relationship just in the time I've known the both of them. Suffice to say it's a bit tumultuous. They've been together three times and broken up twice just while I've been at Rugers, and they have a 2 year old, who is currently in Amy's mother's custody for reasons that Amy kinda set in motion while they were broken up the 2nd time.
Yeah, it's complicated. But I've met her, and she messages me frequently on Myspace, and she's nice and delightful to talk to. And Cooter is sometimes obstinate and a bit of a dope as far as dealing with her goes. Insomuch as I know what I'm talking about on the subject of relationships (which is questionable at best), I've tried to give him good advice towards staying in a happy relationship with that girl. And lately, she's been asking my advice about things, too, which was an unexpected curveball, and I've tried to do my best with the issues that have been brought up. For example, she was concerned in one e-mail that she wasn't hot enough or skinny enough because Cooter was adding other hot girls on Myspace. Now this girl is a rail. I mean seriously, she's tiny. So I assured her that she was plenty hot enough and more than skinny enough already, and that the Myspace thing didn't really mean anything at all ... and that seemed to assure her well enough.
And on the other side of this, Cooter is only 23 and, like me, can appreciate the architecture of a finely crafted female body, so I know where he's coming from when he sometimes casts an eyeball at one of the hotter factory girls. But it seems like her really does like her. And if that wasn't the case I wouldn't have been able to write what I wrote to Amy, because I'm not going to get into a situation where I'm covering for the dumbass if he's going to go chasing other women. I'd have done that for Dan, yes, but he was a special case. In fact, if I knew Cooter was crossing the line I'd smack the boy around about it, and hard.
Yeah, but why? Because I'm feeling those familiar protective impulses towards Amy ... like she's kind of a kid sister to me.
I wasn't expecting that to happen.
And I don't know how to answer the question. I can't sum it up in one quick sentence to say that the theme of my book is such and such and this or that. But there are things I can point to in there as smaller examples. It shows, for instance, how old scars sometimes never heal and how ghosts of the past can haunt you forever. And how sometimes you can't help who you happen to fall in love with, regardless of any other circumstances around the both of you. And I go back again and again to the idea that your best friend is the one person who will always stick up for you no matter what happens. I noticed that one on this most recent revision. If I look at all the best friend pairings that I've set up -- like Alyssa and Emma, Kelly and Ben, Laurel and Cindy, Gwen and Alexis -- each side will go right to the wall for the other, no questions asked, no doubt about it. Also, no matter how hard they try some people can't escape their own basic nature. On the flipside, if something is important enough to someone, they just might be able to overcome their worst instincts. And my favorite one: the idea that Family can go beyond just the happenstance of blood relations and can include the most important people around you.
Now I am blessed with a great family, that's true. But I've believed that last idea for a long time. I've seen it in action, like how Jacquie and Casey seemed to be family, like is shown in a recent post in Cinderella's blog. I set up the Libbyverse that way, too. Among the six principal females in that group only two are blood related, but all of them are family. I played up that dynamic in numerous posts for my other blog, just because I so enjoyed exploring the idea. One of the best episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer lays out this same idea in the last scene. And I've dabbled in this philosophy myself at times.
Maybe it's because I don't have a large group of friends that's existed over a long period of time that I add surrogate family members to my life (often temporarily) from time to time. Usually they're female, but Dan and I used to refer to each other as brothers in all kinds of mixed company. He's the only pseudo-brother I've had, though. More often it manifests itself with girls who become "like a sister to me". Now this is not meant to diminish my own real life sister in any way, because Colleen is an awesome sister and an essential ingredient to my continued happiness and well being. These things develop nonetheless.
I'll admit, a lot of this sort of thing occurs as a way to try to ward off sexual tension on my part before it drives me crackers, hence my nieces Jacquie and Casey, my kid sister Shannon, and the big sister I never had Guinevere. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but I take these things seriously. I was very protective of all my FMC crew, but especially those two. I've already posted about what I would have done for Shannon. And I'd do just about anything for Guinevere if she needed something from me. There are roles I play better than others, and the brother thing is one of my better ones.
Which brings me around to my point. I'm almost doing it again, this time with Cooter's girlfriend Amy. Before we make any assumptions here, though, yes I do like her ... but it hasn't turned into one of those kind of things yet. She's young, and after the Jen fiasco I'm wondering if maybe I should just stay away from the younger girls. Anyway, a whole post could (and might be) written on the Cooter-Amy relationship just in the time I've known the both of them. Suffice to say it's a bit tumultuous. They've been together three times and broken up twice just while I've been at Rugers, and they have a 2 year old, who is currently in Amy's mother's custody for reasons that Amy kinda set in motion while they were broken up the 2nd time.
Yeah, it's complicated. But I've met her, and she messages me frequently on Myspace, and she's nice and delightful to talk to. And Cooter is sometimes obstinate and a bit of a dope as far as dealing with her goes. Insomuch as I know what I'm talking about on the subject of relationships (which is questionable at best), I've tried to give him good advice towards staying in a happy relationship with that girl. And lately, she's been asking my advice about things, too, which was an unexpected curveball, and I've tried to do my best with the issues that have been brought up. For example, she was concerned in one e-mail that she wasn't hot enough or skinny enough because Cooter was adding other hot girls on Myspace. Now this girl is a rail. I mean seriously, she's tiny. So I assured her that she was plenty hot enough and more than skinny enough already, and that the Myspace thing didn't really mean anything at all ... and that seemed to assure her well enough.
And on the other side of this, Cooter is only 23 and, like me, can appreciate the architecture of a finely crafted female body, so I know where he's coming from when he sometimes casts an eyeball at one of the hotter factory girls. But it seems like her really does like her. And if that wasn't the case I wouldn't have been able to write what I wrote to Amy, because I'm not going to get into a situation where I'm covering for the dumbass if he's going to go chasing other women. I'd have done that for Dan, yes, but he was a special case. In fact, if I knew Cooter was crossing the line I'd smack the boy around about it, and hard.
Yeah, but why? Because I'm feeling those familiar protective impulses towards Amy ... like she's kind of a kid sister to me.
I wasn't expecting that to happen.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Settling Down in My Small Town Life
As I write this, the laptop is open on my desk to our right because I'm trying to work through a difficult spot in the scene in my head while screwing around here online. So I may be jumping back and forth as ideas hit me. Once I get through this scene the rest of Season Two should be a downhill race to the finish line. Even though there's still a lot of material to push through, the rest of it is pretty straightforward and well blocked out. I just need to get through this scene.
Meanwhile, I'm settling in here at my new apartment. It felt weird at first, after being at the other place for so damned long, like I didn't really belong here or something. The place felt somewhat alien, and even now I'm not 100% comfortable here yet. Does anybody know what I mean? Or am I just weird?
I think once I have the few last things I really need that I'll finally feel more at ease here. Once I get a couch, actually, that should do it. Everything else is extra icing on the cake. Well, maybe when I get the cable turned on, too. I guess I'm so used to being cramped in and having to manage every last square inch of my living space that having all this extra room to move around in weirds me out. But I'm a peculiar fellow anyway, so don't mind me.
Slowly but surely the adjustments are being made. In my old life in Lebanon my time was a lot more structured, too. A typical day would be like this: get up, go to work, come home, hang out for a while, go into town, go to Borders, pick up some food, come home and watch some tv/dvd, probably go back online, and then go to bed. On the weekends I might make two or even three trips into town. That routine was so ingrained into me that when I first landed here I just didn't know what to do with myself. It would get to a certain time of night and I'd get this huge wanderlust to leave the apartment and get in the car and go somewhere, even if it was just to drive around town. And so I did leave here, get in the car, and drive around a little. A lot of times I'd use going over to T-Birds to pick up a milk for the morning as an excuse, but sometimes I wouldn't have anywhere to go and I'd just drift about.
This week I managed to break that habit down. The past three days I haven't been anywhere after I get home from work, not even to the store. I might stop somewhere to run an errand or whatnot on my way home from work, but once I'm here I haven't left. Yesterday the urge didn't even occur to me until it got to be about 8:00 and I thought about it and realized I'd kept myself busy enough that I just wanted to stay in and hang around here. Tonight? Same thing. So I can beat these weird little trips that move about in my head, and that's a good thing.
Tomorrow I have to take my weekly trip over to Lebanon, but unlike the last few weeks, I don't feel a huge imperative to do the usual things I do while in town. I'm sure I'll stop in at Newbury Comics and see if anything new and interesting came out, but that's probably it. I'm not as interested in going over there or being over there as I used to be, and that's progress, too.
What this wanting to stay in at night says about my social life right now is probably better left unsaid.
Meanwhile, I'm settling in here at my new apartment. It felt weird at first, after being at the other place for so damned long, like I didn't really belong here or something. The place felt somewhat alien, and even now I'm not 100% comfortable here yet. Does anybody know what I mean? Or am I just weird?
I think once I have the few last things I really need that I'll finally feel more at ease here. Once I get a couch, actually, that should do it. Everything else is extra icing on the cake. Well, maybe when I get the cable turned on, too. I guess I'm so used to being cramped in and having to manage every last square inch of my living space that having all this extra room to move around in weirds me out. But I'm a peculiar fellow anyway, so don't mind me.
Slowly but surely the adjustments are being made. In my old life in Lebanon my time was a lot more structured, too. A typical day would be like this: get up, go to work, come home, hang out for a while, go into town, go to Borders, pick up some food, come home and watch some tv/dvd, probably go back online, and then go to bed. On the weekends I might make two or even three trips into town. That routine was so ingrained into me that when I first landed here I just didn't know what to do with myself. It would get to a certain time of night and I'd get this huge wanderlust to leave the apartment and get in the car and go somewhere, even if it was just to drive around town. And so I did leave here, get in the car, and drive around a little. A lot of times I'd use going over to T-Birds to pick up a milk for the morning as an excuse, but sometimes I wouldn't have anywhere to go and I'd just drift about.
This week I managed to break that habit down. The past three days I haven't been anywhere after I get home from work, not even to the store. I might stop somewhere to run an errand or whatnot on my way home from work, but once I'm here I haven't left. Yesterday the urge didn't even occur to me until it got to be about 8:00 and I thought about it and realized I'd kept myself busy enough that I just wanted to stay in and hang around here. Tonight? Same thing. So I can beat these weird little trips that move about in my head, and that's a good thing.
Tomorrow I have to take my weekly trip over to Lebanon, but unlike the last few weeks, I don't feel a huge imperative to do the usual things I do while in town. I'm sure I'll stop in at Newbury Comics and see if anything new and interesting came out, but that's probably it. I'm not as interested in going over there or being over there as I used to be, and that's progress, too.
What this wanting to stay in at night says about my social life right now is probably better left unsaid.
Diary of a Virgo, volume 25
In some places, you can't buy a gun 15 minutes after you get an itch to hold it in your hand. In America, for example, a few of the states force you to delay your purchase for a short time. Many countries also require couples seeking marriage licenses to endure a cooling-off period of a few days before they can officially tie the knot. I urge you to adopt this approach to making important decisions, Virgo. Impose a waiting period on yourself if you're thinking about acquiring heavy artillery, intensifying your relationship commitment, altering your consciousness, or initiating any other big action.
Ok, so pretty much what I already do anyway.
Ok, so pretty much what I already do anyway.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Response for Guinevere
So this would be in reference to the last post, which was the alternate scene, just in case you aren't paying attention. My best buddy, Guinevere, left a comment, and I thought it merited some discussion. The backstory here is that we both worked at the hospital that the one in the book is modelled on (although it is no longer that exact hospital), and both of us seem to have invested a lot of emotion into that place ... even though neither of us could have gotten out of there fast enough in the end.
A couple of years ago I changed the work setting from the hospital to a factory type place, which was based very strongly on LSI. I thought that was the way to go at the time, and I'll get into that in a bit, but I've since reconsidered. Here's what she says:
"As you know I have always been against the change of setting from the hospital. So much about that story is important and cannot be changed into factory lingo...it just isn't the same. I liked the alternate version here but I stand by my original opinion."
I agree that the hospital setting is the best one for this particular book, especially given the ages of most of the characters. It just makes more sense in the long run. Not to mention that it's so much easier to move everyone around in the kitchen than on the production floor. It's a better fit for some of the characters, too. Gwen would work as a character in either setting, but Alexis was just born to be a nutrition girl ... which is ironic, since neither one of the people they're based on ever worked a day at FMC.
The reason I went with the change back in 2004 is that I was no longer feeling the emotional connection to the hospital I once did. That's really all there was to it. The kitchen problems and scuffles seemed trivial in my head while I was writing, and I got a little self-conscious about it. The factory setting seemed more immediate and urgent, and for a while the changes worked for me. Ultimately, however, the change was a mistake.
"Maybe because the whole Queen of Darkness works so much better when you are sweating your butt off in a basement kitchen for her...where literally every minute of your time is on a tight schedule of teamwork and if one person slacks or screws up the whole day is a nightmare....and yeah then the night crew gets the overlap mess. You just portrayed that whole scene so vividly."
This is probably true, but I do think a good story could be told in any setting. I think part of the reason we both believe the hospital is the way to go is because of the time we spent there and the experiences we had. I've experienced extremely tight schedules at both LSI and Rugers in additon to FMC, and in other books those other two jobs might make for a good setting. Where you work now would probably make for a good setting, too. But the things that go on in a hospital kitchen are a better fit for that group of characters.
The Queen of Darkness is another thing. She was absolutely an ominous presence in that kitchen, even on the later shift, but even she could barely hold a candle to Sue ... some of whose characteristics are finding their way into the character of Martha, even though that character is still primarily based on Sam. You'll see what I mean when that character finally makes her wicked way into a chapter later on. It goes without saying that I have some axes to grind in both those cases.
By the way, I hope all this doesn't sound defensive. The truth is that I *love* this kind of feedback. And I need it, too.
"Guin (who wants chapters not yet edited...up to 12? Pretty please?)"
Well, I'll tell you why I'm hesitant to do this, even as much as I like to accomodate the wishes of my #1 fan whenever I can. This is what I'm afraid of. I send those notebook pages (season two goes out to chapter 13), and you read those while I'm working on the next bundle, and then Cinderella and Rachel read them, and then when package #2 does arrive it's all stuff you've all just seen, so it's kinda ho-hum and people just want the next chapters instead. Because even though I'm revising and adding stuff, all the large story beats are there in that notebook, so there won't be a whole lot of surprises when it gets there. That's my fear. I'm not saying I won't do it, mind you. I'm just hesitant to agree to it right away.
But we can discuss it further.
A couple of years ago I changed the work setting from the hospital to a factory type place, which was based very strongly on LSI. I thought that was the way to go at the time, and I'll get into that in a bit, but I've since reconsidered. Here's what she says:
"As you know I have always been against the change of setting from the hospital. So much about that story is important and cannot be changed into factory lingo...it just isn't the same. I liked the alternate version here but I stand by my original opinion."
I agree that the hospital setting is the best one for this particular book, especially given the ages of most of the characters. It just makes more sense in the long run. Not to mention that it's so much easier to move everyone around in the kitchen than on the production floor. It's a better fit for some of the characters, too. Gwen would work as a character in either setting, but Alexis was just born to be a nutrition girl ... which is ironic, since neither one of the people they're based on ever worked a day at FMC.
The reason I went with the change back in 2004 is that I was no longer feeling the emotional connection to the hospital I once did. That's really all there was to it. The kitchen problems and scuffles seemed trivial in my head while I was writing, and I got a little self-conscious about it. The factory setting seemed more immediate and urgent, and for a while the changes worked for me. Ultimately, however, the change was a mistake.
"Maybe because the whole Queen of Darkness works so much better when you are sweating your butt off in a basement kitchen for her...where literally every minute of your time is on a tight schedule of teamwork and if one person slacks or screws up the whole day is a nightmare....and yeah then the night crew gets the overlap mess. You just portrayed that whole scene so vividly."
This is probably true, but I do think a good story could be told in any setting. I think part of the reason we both believe the hospital is the way to go is because of the time we spent there and the experiences we had. I've experienced extremely tight schedules at both LSI and Rugers in additon to FMC, and in other books those other two jobs might make for a good setting. Where you work now would probably make for a good setting, too. But the things that go on in a hospital kitchen are a better fit for that group of characters.
The Queen of Darkness is another thing. She was absolutely an ominous presence in that kitchen, even on the later shift, but even she could barely hold a candle to Sue ... some of whose characteristics are finding their way into the character of Martha, even though that character is still primarily based on Sam. You'll see what I mean when that character finally makes her wicked way into a chapter later on. It goes without saying that I have some axes to grind in both those cases.
By the way, I hope all this doesn't sound defensive. The truth is that I *love* this kind of feedback. And I need it, too.
"Guin (who wants chapters not yet edited...up to 12? Pretty please?)"
Well, I'll tell you why I'm hesitant to do this, even as much as I like to accomodate the wishes of my #1 fan whenever I can. This is what I'm afraid of. I send those notebook pages (season two goes out to chapter 13), and you read those while I'm working on the next bundle, and then Cinderella and Rachel read them, and then when package #2 does arrive it's all stuff you've all just seen, so it's kinda ho-hum and people just want the next chapters instead. Because even though I'm revising and adding stuff, all the large story beats are there in that notebook, so there won't be a whole lot of surprises when it gets there. That's my fear. I'm not saying I won't do it, mind you. I'm just hesitant to agree to it right away.
But we can discuss it further.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Staff Meeting: Alternate Version
Smack in the middle of Chapter 8 is a meeting of all Kelly's staff. As it has 10 speaking parts and covers all kinds of stuff, the scene is something of a bear. A while back I changed the work setting from a hospital kitchen to a factory, which bore a striking resemblance to my last place of employment. Since then I've reconsidered that decision and am now in the process of re-hospitalizing all of those scenes. I'm sure that leaving them kitchenless would have been an unpopular decision in the end (right, Guinevere?).
This scene in particular is tough to get rejiggered. I did such a good job converting the first part of the conversation that it's almost a shame to lose it. I haven't yet come up with a great solution for how to change-over the things the staff is going to bitch about. There's a rough idea in my noggin, but nothing concrete. While looking at it today I decided it would be a shame to throw the altered version out without anyone ever seeing it, so the following will be a first for me in any blog I've ever run. You can think of this as a DVD deleted scene or something, but here is the alternate version of the first part of the staff meeting.
*****
"Ok," I said. "Anybody else?"
"I have one," Willow said. I knew she would. She'd been too quiet up until now. "Someone needs to tell the morning crew to stop messing around with the dials on the turn-on machine. They get them so screwed up. I have to waste fifteen minutes every day fixing it all. If they don't know what they're doing they should just leave it all alone. I'm sick of it."
"You think you are," Matt said. "The same thing goes on in here. Half the screens Skip and Goober coat come out with the wrong thickness after they dry. Then we have to wash them out and coat them over again. That puts us behind on the shooting and everything else. You know if it was the other way around they'd hang us out to dry."
"No shit," Brian said. "And Ken slops so much block out all over the outside of the bottle--and doesn't clean it up--I can't get the fucking cover off. Not without throwing it against the wall."
"You throw it?" Parker asked.
"Helps loosen the cover," Brian said. Maxine laughed at him.
"Come on, Nash," she said. "You just throw it because you're mad."
"Yeah," Brian said. "That does piss me off. It's bullshit."
"The squeeges," Gwen said. This was her particular pet peeve. "Just because first shift screens all the way up to the bell, they can't leave all the dirty squeeges from all day in the back for you and me to clean, Kelly. It's wrong."
"I know," I said. "They've done that pretty much since I started here. They say it's because Karen pushes them to keep going. I don't know how true that is, but if she lets them get away with it, and doesn't say anything to them, nothing will happen."
"They don't clean because they're lazy," Gwen said, "and because they know we will."
"Perhaps," I said, "but to change that we'll need support, either from Karen or Martha, and we don't have that."
"What if we ignored their squeeges?" Gwen said. "Just cleaned our own and left theirs for them to clean the next morning. That would teach those jerks."
"Can't," I said. "If they sat with ink on them overnight they'd be ruined. I can't ruin material on purpose. Plus, that would come back on us."
"Let it," Gwen said. "If Martha want to talk to us about it, I'll be happy to tell her exactly what I think about the whole situation."
"What good would that do?" Maxine asked. "She'd fire you."
"Oh, and then I might cry," Gwen said.
"I'll talk to Karen about it," I said. "If that doesn't work I'll go to Martha."
"I know what they'll say," Matt said. "It'll come back that first shift is too busy, and since we don't have enough to do at night anyway, cleaning up the mess and fixing the screw-ups should be all on us."
"That's what they said last time," Brian said. "Right, Sparky?"
"Yup. I've pushed this before and gotten nowhere."
"Well, bullshit," Gwen said. "What does the morning crew know about what we do?"
"Nothing," Willow said. "Not a damn thing. But since when does that matter?"
"If they don't know they'll just make something up," Brian said.
"And it works," Parker added.
"That's because Martha listens to them," Gwen said, "but could give a flying fuck about us. They're important. We're just the rejects."
"That's something of an oversimplification of our situation," I said.
"I don't think so," Gwen said. "Martha doesn't give any of us the time of day, except to give us holy hell for something. Not one person here can say Martha has ever been human to them. I'd bet cash money she doesn't even know all our names."
She knew my name, and Gwen's, for certain. The others I was less sure about. Gwen did have a point. Martha was infamous for blowing us off. Everone present, save Gwen and myself, was afraid of her. Shop legend made her out to be a bloodless inhuman vampire. We knew her as the Queen of Darkness. Every afternoon when she left the darkness lifted.
"Well, barring a fundamental change in Martha's basic nature," I said, "that one is out of my hands."
"I have another one," Willow said. "We could do with a little less attitude from certain areas, like scheduling."
"Hey!" Alexis' head popped up. Until then she'd been filing her nails and not paying much attention. "Sitting right here. Sitting right exactly here."
"Good," Willow said. "You were who I meant."
"There is nothing wrong with my attitude, you snotty little bitch," Alexis said. "I'm just doing my job."
"See? That's what I mean," Willow said. "You're fucking rude."
"That sounds like the pot calling the kettle black," said Gwen, a black pot herself. Alexis and Gwen were best friends. There was no way she would let that remark slide, especially since Willow said it.
"You stay out of this," Willow said to Gwen. "I don't need your bitchy attitude either."
"Just because you think you're god's gift to quality control doesn't mean I'm going to take your pushy shit," Gwen said.
On the sidelines, Parker and Dana looked noticeably uncomfortable. Maxine rolled her eyes. Brian, on the other hand, looked jazzed about the prospect of a catfight breaking out.
"I'm not even talking to you," Willow said. "Mind your own business."
"Don't tell me what to do," Gwen said. "I have no patience for you."
"Am I supposed to be scared?" Willow asked. "I'm not."
"You want a scare, girlie? I'll give you one," Gwen said.
*****
And it continues from there. That last bit can stand as is, but I couldn't resist throwing it in here. You'll have to decide how well I do converting the rest of it back to kitchen issues.
This scene in particular is tough to get rejiggered. I did such a good job converting the first part of the conversation that it's almost a shame to lose it. I haven't yet come up with a great solution for how to change-over the things the staff is going to bitch about. There's a rough idea in my noggin, but nothing concrete. While looking at it today I decided it would be a shame to throw the altered version out without anyone ever seeing it, so the following will be a first for me in any blog I've ever run. You can think of this as a DVD deleted scene or something, but here is the alternate version of the first part of the staff meeting.
*****
"Ok," I said. "Anybody else?"
"I have one," Willow said. I knew she would. She'd been too quiet up until now. "Someone needs to tell the morning crew to stop messing around with the dials on the turn-on machine. They get them so screwed up. I have to waste fifteen minutes every day fixing it all. If they don't know what they're doing they should just leave it all alone. I'm sick of it."
"You think you are," Matt said. "The same thing goes on in here. Half the screens Skip and Goober coat come out with the wrong thickness after they dry. Then we have to wash them out and coat them over again. That puts us behind on the shooting and everything else. You know if it was the other way around they'd hang us out to dry."
"No shit," Brian said. "And Ken slops so much block out all over the outside of the bottle--and doesn't clean it up--I can't get the fucking cover off. Not without throwing it against the wall."
"You throw it?" Parker asked.
"Helps loosen the cover," Brian said. Maxine laughed at him.
"Come on, Nash," she said. "You just throw it because you're mad."
"Yeah," Brian said. "That does piss me off. It's bullshit."
"The squeeges," Gwen said. This was her particular pet peeve. "Just because first shift screens all the way up to the bell, they can't leave all the dirty squeeges from all day in the back for you and me to clean, Kelly. It's wrong."
"I know," I said. "They've done that pretty much since I started here. They say it's because Karen pushes them to keep going. I don't know how true that is, but if she lets them get away with it, and doesn't say anything to them, nothing will happen."
"They don't clean because they're lazy," Gwen said, "and because they know we will."
"Perhaps," I said, "but to change that we'll need support, either from Karen or Martha, and we don't have that."
"What if we ignored their squeeges?" Gwen said. "Just cleaned our own and left theirs for them to clean the next morning. That would teach those jerks."
"Can't," I said. "If they sat with ink on them overnight they'd be ruined. I can't ruin material on purpose. Plus, that would come back on us."
"Let it," Gwen said. "If Martha want to talk to us about it, I'll be happy to tell her exactly what I think about the whole situation."
"What good would that do?" Maxine asked. "She'd fire you."
"Oh, and then I might cry," Gwen said.
"I'll talk to Karen about it," I said. "If that doesn't work I'll go to Martha."
"I know what they'll say," Matt said. "It'll come back that first shift is too busy, and since we don't have enough to do at night anyway, cleaning up the mess and fixing the screw-ups should be all on us."
"That's what they said last time," Brian said. "Right, Sparky?"
"Yup. I've pushed this before and gotten nowhere."
"Well, bullshit," Gwen said. "What does the morning crew know about what we do?"
"Nothing," Willow said. "Not a damn thing. But since when does that matter?"
"If they don't know they'll just make something up," Brian said.
"And it works," Parker added.
"That's because Martha listens to them," Gwen said, "but could give a flying fuck about us. They're important. We're just the rejects."
"That's something of an oversimplification of our situation," I said.
"I don't think so," Gwen said. "Martha doesn't give any of us the time of day, except to give us holy hell for something. Not one person here can say Martha has ever been human to them. I'd bet cash money she doesn't even know all our names."
She knew my name, and Gwen's, for certain. The others I was less sure about. Gwen did have a point. Martha was infamous for blowing us off. Everone present, save Gwen and myself, was afraid of her. Shop legend made her out to be a bloodless inhuman vampire. We knew her as the Queen of Darkness. Every afternoon when she left the darkness lifted.
"Well, barring a fundamental change in Martha's basic nature," I said, "that one is out of my hands."
"I have another one," Willow said. "We could do with a little less attitude from certain areas, like scheduling."
"Hey!" Alexis' head popped up. Until then she'd been filing her nails and not paying much attention. "Sitting right here. Sitting right exactly here."
"Good," Willow said. "You were who I meant."
"There is nothing wrong with my attitude, you snotty little bitch," Alexis said. "I'm just doing my job."
"See? That's what I mean," Willow said. "You're fucking rude."
"That sounds like the pot calling the kettle black," said Gwen, a black pot herself. Alexis and Gwen were best friends. There was no way she would let that remark slide, especially since Willow said it.
"You stay out of this," Willow said to Gwen. "I don't need your bitchy attitude either."
"Just because you think you're god's gift to quality control doesn't mean I'm going to take your pushy shit," Gwen said.
On the sidelines, Parker and Dana looked noticeably uncomfortable. Maxine rolled her eyes. Brian, on the other hand, looked jazzed about the prospect of a catfight breaking out.
"I'm not even talking to you," Willow said. "Mind your own business."
"Don't tell me what to do," Gwen said. "I have no patience for you."
"Am I supposed to be scared?" Willow asked. "I'm not."
"You want a scare, girlie? I'll give you one," Gwen said.
*****
And it continues from there. That last bit can stand as is, but I couldn't resist throwing it in here. You'll have to decide how well I do converting the rest of it back to kitchen issues.
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