Response for Guinevere

So this would be in reference to the last post, which was the alternate scene, just in case you aren't paying attention. My best buddy, Guinevere, left a comment, and I thought it merited some discussion. The backstory here is that we both worked at the hospital that the one in the book is modelled on (although it is no longer that exact hospital), and both of us seem to have invested a lot of emotion into that place ... even though neither of us could have gotten out of there fast enough in the end.

A couple of years ago I changed the work setting from the hospital to a factory type place, which was based very strongly on LSI. I thought that was the way to go at the time, and I'll get into that in a bit, but I've since reconsidered. Here's what she says:

"As you know I have always been against the change of setting from the hospital. So much about that story is important and cannot be changed into factory lingo...it just isn't the same. I liked the alternate version here but I stand by my original opinion."

I agree that the hospital setting is the best one for this particular book, especially given the ages of most of the characters. It just makes more sense in the long run. Not to mention that it's so much easier to move everyone around in the kitchen than on the production floor. It's a better fit for some of the characters, too. Gwen would work as a character in either setting, but Alexis was just born to be a nutrition girl ... which is ironic, since neither one of the people they're based on ever worked a day at FMC.

The reason I went with the change back in 2004 is that I was no longer feeling the emotional connection to the hospital I once did. That's really all there was to it. The kitchen problems and scuffles seemed trivial in my head while I was writing, and I got a little self-conscious about it. The factory setting seemed more immediate and urgent, and for a while the changes worked for me. Ultimately, however, the change was a mistake.

"Maybe because the whole Queen of Darkness works so much better when you are sweating your butt off in a basement kitchen for her...where literally every minute of your time is on a tight schedule of teamwork and if one person slacks or screws up the whole day is a nightmare....and yeah then the night crew gets the overlap mess. You just portrayed that whole scene so vividly."

This is probably true, but I do think a good story could be told in any setting. I think part of the reason we both believe the hospital is the way to go is because of the time we spent there and the experiences we had. I've experienced extremely tight schedules at both LSI and Rugers in additon to FMC, and in other books those other two jobs might make for a good setting. Where you work now would probably make for a good setting, too. But the things that go on in a hospital kitchen are a better fit for that group of characters.

The Queen of Darkness is another thing. She was absolutely an ominous presence in that kitchen, even on the later shift, but even she could barely hold a candle to Sue ... some of whose characteristics are finding their way into the character of Martha, even though that character is still primarily based on Sam. You'll see what I mean when that character finally makes her wicked way into a chapter later on. It goes without saying that I have some axes to grind in both those cases.

By the way, I hope all this doesn't sound defensive. The truth is that I *love* this kind of feedback. And I need it, too.

"Guin (who wants chapters not yet edited...up to 12? Pretty please?)"

Well, I'll tell you why I'm hesitant to do this, even as much as I like to accomodate the wishes of my #1 fan whenever I can. This is what I'm afraid of. I send those notebook pages (season two goes out to chapter 13), and you read those while I'm working on the next bundle, and then Cinderella and Rachel read them, and then when package #2 does arrive it's all stuff you've all just seen, so it's kinda ho-hum and people just want the next chapters instead. Because even though I'm revising and adding stuff, all the large story beats are there in that notebook, so there won't be a whole lot of surprises when it gets there. That's my fear. I'm not saying I won't do it, mind you. I'm just hesitant to agree to it right away.

But we can discuss it further.