So Guinevere sent me this four question personality test via e-mail, and I took it. The results were fairly interesting, at least to me, and so I'm going to write it up here. If you haven't taken the test yet, don't read this post first because it'll spoil it, and if you're going to take the test it should be done clean. I know that because the test itself told me that about 40 freaking times before I could get to the first question, to the point where I thought they were testing how many times I'd sit through the same instruction before I went batshit crazy. Anyway, I'll put up the results without further comment from me, and y'all can interpret them as you wish.
(Also, sorry I missed your call last night. Judging from the called ID, I stepped out about four minutes before the phone rang, and got back late.)
*****
Question One: Arrange these animals in order of importance.
--Tiger (represents pride)
--Sheep (represents love)
--Horse (represents family)
--Pig (represents money)
--Cow (represents career)
Question Two: Choose a word that describes your feelings on the following words.
--Dog = loyal (represents your own personality)
--Cat = friend (represents the personality of your partner)
--Rat = dirty (represents the personality of your enemies)
--Coffee = hot (how you interpret sex)
--Sea = scary (how you interpret your own life)
Question Three: Associate a name with the following colors.
--Yellow = Jen (someone you will never forget)
--Orange = Guinevere (someone you consider a true friend)
--Red = Dan (someone you really love)
--White = Colleen(your twin soul)
--Green = Amy (someone you will remember the rest of your life)
And then question four was just favorite number (5) and favorite day of the week (Friday), which only tie in to the chain-letter aspect of the test.
Some of those were kind of leading (how many different things can you really say for Coffee?), but I find my answer for Sea extremely telling.
Gosh.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
What's in a Name Anyway?
I've probably covered this first part already, but I don't care because I feel like writing about it. That's how it goes here, y'know?
Miranda didn't have a name for three years, not until the fall of 1995 when I decided she really ought to have a proper name. Because, you know, imaginary ghost babies should have names. It was some night in September. Dan, Candy, and I were at the Big E. She was extremely pregnant, so much so that she went into labor pains while we were there. An ambulance was called, and she was taken to Baystate. Dan and I followed at high speed soon after. It turned out to be false labor, but I still ended up cooling my heels in the waiting area for a few hours in the wee hours of the night. And my mind turned to "the baby", and it struck me that she really deserved to have a name. I found a piece of paper and I started brainstorming names that I really liked, names that I believed Erin would have liked, and played around with several combinations before narrowing it down to a short list of my favorite names, and then deciding on Miranda. The double middle name thing happened because I couldn't decide between two, so I made it Miranda Jane Kristen. Jane because I like it; Kristen because it's my sister's middle name.
Ally and Evie named themselves. They appeared to me in a dream several years ago, already named such. I'm guessing those names are short for Allison and Evelyn, but I don't have all the information there. Given what I've come to believe about the twins, I decided that those names have to remain cannonical.
Nova, the hypothetical "ghost of Christmas yet to come" (so to speak), came about because my thoughts frequently travel to this girl who may yet come to exist, and I have to call her something. And Nova works, if only because it's fairly unlikely that I'll name the actual girl that. And so she remains the idea.
I've been thinking about names lately. One thing that I firmly believe in, and will not be swayed away from, is that she needs to have a good name, and on top of that a name that is easily spelled ... by others. Last X-mas my sister was talking about how people frequently screw up her last name on things (it's our same last name; she retained it when she married). So I replied, "I know what you mean. Try having two names like that."
I like my name, yes, but there is a degree of difficulty in having a first and last name that no one -- and I mean, no one -- can ever manage to spell correctly unless they've known me for approximately five years, and even then it's still dicey. The correct spelling of my first name is never higher than third on the list of options, if people have heard of it at all. I have had several occassions when after 'Sean' and 'Shawn' are rejected that I just get a blank stare, as if those were the only two possible guesses at that name. In elementary school, when everybody would pass around Valentines to everybody else, I used to get amazing mutant spelling attempts at my name. The last name is a little easier, but everyone -- EVERYONE -- wants to add that pesky 'a' to it. It's gotten to the point where when I apply for something in person or over the phone, I say my name and then automatically start to spell it for them. It just saves time.
So in naming my future child, all of this is foremost on my mind. It's going to be a 'classic' name, like Miranda, simple and easy to spell. No Jennifer with a G. No Amy with an ie. No Melissa with a y. She's already going to have the last name issue. There's no need to make it more difficult.
Right now Erica is the top contender.
Sarah is not far behind.
I also really like Emily.
I haven't even started on the middle name combination thing. Going with the double middle name, however, remains a strong possibility.
Miranda didn't have a name for three years, not until the fall of 1995 when I decided she really ought to have a proper name. Because, you know, imaginary ghost babies should have names. It was some night in September. Dan, Candy, and I were at the Big E. She was extremely pregnant, so much so that she went into labor pains while we were there. An ambulance was called, and she was taken to Baystate. Dan and I followed at high speed soon after. It turned out to be false labor, but I still ended up cooling my heels in the waiting area for a few hours in the wee hours of the night. And my mind turned to "the baby", and it struck me that she really deserved to have a name. I found a piece of paper and I started brainstorming names that I really liked, names that I believed Erin would have liked, and played around with several combinations before narrowing it down to a short list of my favorite names, and then deciding on Miranda. The double middle name thing happened because I couldn't decide between two, so I made it Miranda Jane Kristen. Jane because I like it; Kristen because it's my sister's middle name.
Ally and Evie named themselves. They appeared to me in a dream several years ago, already named such. I'm guessing those names are short for Allison and Evelyn, but I don't have all the information there. Given what I've come to believe about the twins, I decided that those names have to remain cannonical.
Nova, the hypothetical "ghost of Christmas yet to come" (so to speak), came about because my thoughts frequently travel to this girl who may yet come to exist, and I have to call her something. And Nova works, if only because it's fairly unlikely that I'll name the actual girl that. And so she remains the idea.
I've been thinking about names lately. One thing that I firmly believe in, and will not be swayed away from, is that she needs to have a good name, and on top of that a name that is easily spelled ... by others. Last X-mas my sister was talking about how people frequently screw up her last name on things (it's our same last name; she retained it when she married). So I replied, "I know what you mean. Try having two names like that."
I like my name, yes, but there is a degree of difficulty in having a first and last name that no one -- and I mean, no one -- can ever manage to spell correctly unless they've known me for approximately five years, and even then it's still dicey. The correct spelling of my first name is never higher than third on the list of options, if people have heard of it at all. I have had several occassions when after 'Sean' and 'Shawn' are rejected that I just get a blank stare, as if those were the only two possible guesses at that name. In elementary school, when everybody would pass around Valentines to everybody else, I used to get amazing mutant spelling attempts at my name. The last name is a little easier, but everyone -- EVERYONE -- wants to add that pesky 'a' to it. It's gotten to the point where when I apply for something in person or over the phone, I say my name and then automatically start to spell it for them. It just saves time.
So in naming my future child, all of this is foremost on my mind. It's going to be a 'classic' name, like Miranda, simple and easy to spell. No Jennifer with a G. No Amy with an ie. No Melissa with a y. She's already going to have the last name issue. There's no need to make it more difficult.
Right now Erica is the top contender.
Sarah is not far behind.
I also really like Emily.
I haven't even started on the middle name combination thing. Going with the double middle name, however, remains a strong possibility.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Virgorama
"I have dreamed in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas," wrote Emily Bronte in Wuthering Heights. "They have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind." One of your main assignments in the coming week, Virgo, is to identify a dream that can work that kind of magic on you. If there is no such dream currently seeded in your imagination, find a new one to plant there.
I know what it is.
Yes. I do.
I know what it is.
Yes. I do.
To be (sick) or not to be (sick)
Well, long story short, I was once again feeling under the weather Monday and Tuesday for reasons unknown. It wasn't as bad as last week, but I was still tired and down and out, and not in the mood to do much of anything at all. And so, once again, I didn't do anything at all. Today, though, I felt much better at work. So rejuvenated was I that I bolt-fit like a motherfucker and crushed the numbers hard. My plan for after work was to catch up on a whole bunch of stuff, especially internet related, but you know how my best laid plans tend to go, huh?
First, Amy stopped over so she could check her mail, and she ended up staying for about two hours, so that threw my timetable off. But, get this: no Becky Effect. That's right. I even realized it wasn't happening while she was here, and I tried to figure out why not, but it just wasn't. Huh. I guess when I'm sick it screws up the whole insatiable crush chip in my brain. It'll be back.
Then later on Dan called, and since I hadn't talked to him in about four days I picked up. And I talked to him for a while, then Amanda, then him again, and then Amanda (she was over there). And now here we are, approaching bedtime, and once again this blog kinda gets left behind in all the craziness. Well, I tried.
More tomorrow.
First, Amy stopped over so she could check her mail, and she ended up staying for about two hours, so that threw my timetable off. But, get this: no Becky Effect. That's right. I even realized it wasn't happening while she was here, and I tried to figure out why not, but it just wasn't. Huh. I guess when I'm sick it screws up the whole insatiable crush chip in my brain. It'll be back.
Then later on Dan called, and since I hadn't talked to him in about four days I picked up. And I talked to him for a while, then Amanda, then him again, and then Amanda (she was over there). And now here we are, approaching bedtime, and once again this blog kinda gets left behind in all the craziness. Well, I tried.
More tomorrow.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Shaun of the (not quite) Dead
So there I was not feeling well last week, and even though I started turning the corner on that Thursday, my will to do just about anything was still drained from me like I was a dying car battery. But having now pulled myself together, let's try to catch up to as many of the dangling threads I've left in this blog as I possibly can. Ok, here we go.
Let's go back to last weekend. I did make a return visit to Massachusetts, even though I had a few reservations stemming from the first visit. There was a WWE PPV scheduled for Sunday night, and I'd already agreed to attend even before my first visit south. So I went down to Dan's on Friday night. We got out early that Friday, but I wasted the afternoon napping and got off to a later start than planned. There was still stuff I needed to do here before I left, and by the time I got out the door it was already almost 8 PM. I got there around 10ish. The nap probably did me well, as we stayed up past 4 in the morning watching wrestling dvds and playing X-Box. All in all, though, I felt more relaxed this time. I think the first weekend was somewhat mitigated by the years it had been since I'd last seen Dan, and not knowing what to expect, and so forth. Even so, I couldn't help but think about the things here that I wanted to do, and I couldn't help but worry about the slippery slope of him wanting me to come down every weekend, and what I was going to do about that.
Saturday I broke off for a while to go play golf with my dad. It was my usual decent but not spectacular game. But the point of it is not to kill myself over how lousy my golfing can be at times (like I used to do), but to hang out with my dad. Looking at it from that perspective, the outing was a success. After that we met my mom at Taylor's for dinner. They mentioned that they were going to Colleen's on Sunday, and I would have gone along, but I'd already committed myself to the PPV. Those kinds of choices used to kill me, but going by the Rule of Previous Committment gets me by without excess mental stress. I guess I'm getting somewhere with myself and my random foibles, huh?
On Sunday we went back to visit Amanda again. It was a nice visit, like the first one, and I spent a lot of time making goo-goo faces at her little baby. The boyfriend Mark, like the first time, spent the whole time out of sight. Since then there's been big developments to this story, but we'll get back to that.
So we got back to Dan's, his mom made dinner, and we watched Summerslam. It was a pretty good, if not outstanding, show, and I really enjoyed it. That was my first WWE ppv since that night Adam and I went and watched Wrestlemania 19 up at the Lebanon airport bar back five years ago. This could turn into a regular thing, but I don't know that yet. As I had to be at work the next morning, I took off right after the ppv. This was kind of a trial run for this. I didn't know if I was going to just stay up and go to work or try to crash for a few hours, and if this didn't work out ... future pay per views for me were probably not going to happen. I burned home quick and was in the door by 12:30, earlier than I anticipated. So I crashed and got some sleep. Good plan, because I was wiped.
When I left I told Dan I had to leave the next weekend open, depending on numerous factors, even though I already knew by then that I was going to take the next weekend off. He's just very eager to hang out, and I do feel guilty about there being such a long gap (even though that guilt won't last forever), and deep down I just really hate disappointing people. Of course, I didn't count on getting sick either.
I already covered that pretty much. I still don't know what sparked it, but by mid-Monday morning I was really feeling low. I turned the corner on it sometime Thursday, but I'm still not 100%. My focus on things, for instance, is still fuzzy at best. Thursday night, even though I was feeling better, I still didn't feel like doing anything, including posting in here, and I just browsed the Rama boards for a while, watched some dvds, and went to bed.
Friday we worked. It seems as though they're trying to work Fridays back in as a regular thing, and while I'd gotten accustomed to having that extra day off, I really really want the money. So no complaints about that. Hell, I'd come in Saturday mornings again, too, if they offered them. And what a slow day Friday was. Mike decided not to run our line, so I spent the entire day working on repairs for the 10/22 line. But wait, you say, I don't know anything about that line. True. But after a shaky start I started to pick up on switching out the bolts and/or guide rods, and got fairly decent at it. Still, though, very very boring day.
That night I felt so good that I just had to go out. I went over to Lebanon and enjoyed myself for several hours, got home very late, and went to bed.
I'd been incommunicado all week. On Thursday I think it was, I was out of it and missed Amy knocking on my door. I dimly remember there being knocking, but there was no way I was getting up to answer it. Sorry.
Saturday. I mostly kept to myself. I went out for a little while, did a lot of my own stuff, and tried to get myself back into the swing of things. While I've been mostly successful in that, the book has not come back into it yet. It's there in my brain, wanting to be worked on, but my focus hasn't sharpened up enough. Yet. I'm determined to hit it really hard this coming week, though.
That evening I broke the incommunicado via telephone thing when I called Dan back. Even though he knew I was sick, he had called several times during the week and I just never got back to him, because 1) I was sick, and 2) if he made me laugh anytime between Monday and Thursday I would have coughed myself to an early grave. There was something from one of his messages, though, that I really did want to have some conversation on. It concerned Amanda.
She and Mark are quits. On Thursday (I think; the week has all swirled together in my brain now) he got violent and beat the crap out of her. I'm talking like black eye, bruised arms, broken finger kind of assholery. She did fight back, though, because she's hardcore. If you can try and take on my ex-wife at seven years old, chances are you're going to grow up to be pretty tough. Anyway, he's in jail now and she has a restraining order on him. That girl just has shit luck with guys, I tell you, and it pisses me off. And she's a girl that I put up on a pedestal pretty close to where my sister is, so if that had happened when I'd been there I think I would have tried my best to put him in the hospital (and Dan ... Jesus Christ, there might have been nothing left but the fillings in Mark's teeth).
When I called, Amanda was out shopping with Dan's mom. They've started to get kinda close, which I think is good. Her relationship with her own mom is somewhat strained, and Dan's mom is just straight up awesome all the time. And it's good that she has people around to turn to. They came in and Amanda got on the phone with me. She sounded pretty good, considering, and we talked for about fifteen minutes. I wish I could do more for her, but I don't know what to do. If I can be like the one person she never has to worry about screwing her over, maybe that's what I can do. It's kind of like what Jen said once when we were summarizing our relationship before the first split: "Maybe you were there to prove to me that nice guys actually *do* exist." Without getting into a whole Jen thing, again, if that's what my part was in it, that isn't so bad.
Anyway, we're all the way around back to today. I'm posting in here again, talking to Guinevere on chat, and while the book hasn't yet come back ... that's more than enough for me today.
Things are almost back to normal.
Let's go back to last weekend. I did make a return visit to Massachusetts, even though I had a few reservations stemming from the first visit. There was a WWE PPV scheduled for Sunday night, and I'd already agreed to attend even before my first visit south. So I went down to Dan's on Friday night. We got out early that Friday, but I wasted the afternoon napping and got off to a later start than planned. There was still stuff I needed to do here before I left, and by the time I got out the door it was already almost 8 PM. I got there around 10ish. The nap probably did me well, as we stayed up past 4 in the morning watching wrestling dvds and playing X-Box. All in all, though, I felt more relaxed this time. I think the first weekend was somewhat mitigated by the years it had been since I'd last seen Dan, and not knowing what to expect, and so forth. Even so, I couldn't help but think about the things here that I wanted to do, and I couldn't help but worry about the slippery slope of him wanting me to come down every weekend, and what I was going to do about that.
Saturday I broke off for a while to go play golf with my dad. It was my usual decent but not spectacular game. But the point of it is not to kill myself over how lousy my golfing can be at times (like I used to do), but to hang out with my dad. Looking at it from that perspective, the outing was a success. After that we met my mom at Taylor's for dinner. They mentioned that they were going to Colleen's on Sunday, and I would have gone along, but I'd already committed myself to the PPV. Those kinds of choices used to kill me, but going by the Rule of Previous Committment gets me by without excess mental stress. I guess I'm getting somewhere with myself and my random foibles, huh?
On Sunday we went back to visit Amanda again. It was a nice visit, like the first one, and I spent a lot of time making goo-goo faces at her little baby. The boyfriend Mark, like the first time, spent the whole time out of sight. Since then there's been big developments to this story, but we'll get back to that.
So we got back to Dan's, his mom made dinner, and we watched Summerslam. It was a pretty good, if not outstanding, show, and I really enjoyed it. That was my first WWE ppv since that night Adam and I went and watched Wrestlemania 19 up at the Lebanon airport bar back five years ago. This could turn into a regular thing, but I don't know that yet. As I had to be at work the next morning, I took off right after the ppv. This was kind of a trial run for this. I didn't know if I was going to just stay up and go to work or try to crash for a few hours, and if this didn't work out ... future pay per views for me were probably not going to happen. I burned home quick and was in the door by 12:30, earlier than I anticipated. So I crashed and got some sleep. Good plan, because I was wiped.
When I left I told Dan I had to leave the next weekend open, depending on numerous factors, even though I already knew by then that I was going to take the next weekend off. He's just very eager to hang out, and I do feel guilty about there being such a long gap (even though that guilt won't last forever), and deep down I just really hate disappointing people. Of course, I didn't count on getting sick either.
I already covered that pretty much. I still don't know what sparked it, but by mid-Monday morning I was really feeling low. I turned the corner on it sometime Thursday, but I'm still not 100%. My focus on things, for instance, is still fuzzy at best. Thursday night, even though I was feeling better, I still didn't feel like doing anything, including posting in here, and I just browsed the Rama boards for a while, watched some dvds, and went to bed.
Friday we worked. It seems as though they're trying to work Fridays back in as a regular thing, and while I'd gotten accustomed to having that extra day off, I really really want the money. So no complaints about that. Hell, I'd come in Saturday mornings again, too, if they offered them. And what a slow day Friday was. Mike decided not to run our line, so I spent the entire day working on repairs for the 10/22 line. But wait, you say, I don't know anything about that line. True. But after a shaky start I started to pick up on switching out the bolts and/or guide rods, and got fairly decent at it. Still, though, very very boring day.
That night I felt so good that I just had to go out. I went over to Lebanon and enjoyed myself for several hours, got home very late, and went to bed.
I'd been incommunicado all week. On Thursday I think it was, I was out of it and missed Amy knocking on my door. I dimly remember there being knocking, but there was no way I was getting up to answer it. Sorry.
Saturday. I mostly kept to myself. I went out for a little while, did a lot of my own stuff, and tried to get myself back into the swing of things. While I've been mostly successful in that, the book has not come back into it yet. It's there in my brain, wanting to be worked on, but my focus hasn't sharpened up enough. Yet. I'm determined to hit it really hard this coming week, though.
That evening I broke the incommunicado via telephone thing when I called Dan back. Even though he knew I was sick, he had called several times during the week and I just never got back to him, because 1) I was sick, and 2) if he made me laugh anytime between Monday and Thursday I would have coughed myself to an early grave. There was something from one of his messages, though, that I really did want to have some conversation on. It concerned Amanda.
She and Mark are quits. On Thursday (I think; the week has all swirled together in my brain now) he got violent and beat the crap out of her. I'm talking like black eye, bruised arms, broken finger kind of assholery. She did fight back, though, because she's hardcore. If you can try and take on my ex-wife at seven years old, chances are you're going to grow up to be pretty tough. Anyway, he's in jail now and she has a restraining order on him. That girl just has shit luck with guys, I tell you, and it pisses me off. And she's a girl that I put up on a pedestal pretty close to where my sister is, so if that had happened when I'd been there I think I would have tried my best to put him in the hospital (and Dan ... Jesus Christ, there might have been nothing left but the fillings in Mark's teeth).
When I called, Amanda was out shopping with Dan's mom. They've started to get kinda close, which I think is good. Her relationship with her own mom is somewhat strained, and Dan's mom is just straight up awesome all the time. And it's good that she has people around to turn to. They came in and Amanda got on the phone with me. She sounded pretty good, considering, and we talked for about fifteen minutes. I wish I could do more for her, but I don't know what to do. If I can be like the one person she never has to worry about screwing her over, maybe that's what I can do. It's kind of like what Jen said once when we were summarizing our relationship before the first split: "Maybe you were there to prove to me that nice guys actually *do* exist." Without getting into a whole Jen thing, again, if that's what my part was in it, that isn't so bad.
Anyway, we're all the way around back to today. I'm posting in here again, talking to Guinevere on chat, and while the book hasn't yet come back ... that's more than enough for me today.
Things are almost back to normal.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A Couple Things
1. Guin, I read your awesome e-mail, and I'm going to write back ... probably tomorrow, when my brain isn't quite so overloaded and tired. You deserve a better response than I could write right now.
2. There is still a last Weekend Update post coming, but see #1 as to why that hasn't been written yet.
3. This little obsession I have with dragging my ass to work even when I feel like crap might be the death of me someday. Yesterday on the way home from work I spotted a guy on skis following me. And I spotted a pale, pretty goth looking chick hanging around in the backyard. So I was a little worried for a bit. Damn you, Lori Morningstar. Stop making me feel guilty.
4. My general unavailability via phone or instant messenger is due to my recent under-the-weatherness, if only because I'm a bit unpleasant to be around right now. Also, I'm going to bed in about 4 minutes. I expect (demand!) to be better tomorrow.
Um, that's it.
2. There is still a last Weekend Update post coming, but see #1 as to why that hasn't been written yet.
3. This little obsession I have with dragging my ass to work even when I feel like crap might be the death of me someday. Yesterday on the way home from work I spotted a guy on skis following me. And I spotted a pale, pretty goth looking chick hanging around in the backyard. So I was a little worried for a bit. Damn you, Lori Morningstar. Stop making me feel guilty.
4. My general unavailability via phone or instant messenger is due to my recent under-the-weatherness, if only because I'm a bit unpleasant to be around right now. Also, I'm going to bed in about 4 minutes. I expect (demand!) to be better tomorrow.
Um, that's it.
Not Little Guy
Also, my faith in humanity has been somewhat restored.
You've heard the story of the little cat who comes to visit me, even though he belongs to the girl upstairs. And you know that I let the cat stay as long as he wants, that I feed the cat, and that I've been concealing this fact as best as possible from the same girl upstairs. And for weeks now I've grown more and more convinced that the little guy was out there on his own, and would be ... if not for me. I convinced myself that she wasn't taking care of the cat and didn't care about it, and the circumstantial evidence was there. The cat is almost always outside when I get here, day or night, and he was such a skinny, scrawny thing that it's hard to believe anyone was feeding it.
Late Sunday night I looked for the little cat in case it was out there somewhere. I opened the door and he came down from up the stairs, and was still chewing up some food. I thought that was odd, but didn't investigate. The next afternoon he also followed me in, but when leaving he turned and went up the stairs. Now I was curious. I walked halfway up the stairs and saw a little pink dish with some catfood and water outside of Brittany's door. I have to say, that did please me.
So Monday night I'm getting back from the store. As I walk up to the sidewalk, Brittany is there smoking a butt, and the little cat is sitting perched on the railing. I figured there was no time better than the present to find out a couple things.
I asked her if that was her cat. She said it was.
I asked his name. She said it was 'Ariel'. It's a girl cat.
Then she said, "I do feed her, I swear. She just likes to be outside. She eats and then scratches at the door to leave." Then she added something about Ariel coming to visit me often (perhaps that other neighbor lady who saw the cat come in that afternoon said something?) and apologized. I told her that was no problem at all. I didn't specify how often Ariel visits me or how long she tends to stay ... or that she has her own food dish in my apartment, though.
But it was good to find out that Brittany does care about the little cat after all, and that she isn't the douchebag I was starting to believe she was.
Once in a while my faith in people is rewarded.
You've heard the story of the little cat who comes to visit me, even though he belongs to the girl upstairs. And you know that I let the cat stay as long as he wants, that I feed the cat, and that I've been concealing this fact as best as possible from the same girl upstairs. And for weeks now I've grown more and more convinced that the little guy was out there on his own, and would be ... if not for me. I convinced myself that she wasn't taking care of the cat and didn't care about it, and the circumstantial evidence was there. The cat is almost always outside when I get here, day or night, and he was such a skinny, scrawny thing that it's hard to believe anyone was feeding it.
Late Sunday night I looked for the little cat in case it was out there somewhere. I opened the door and he came down from up the stairs, and was still chewing up some food. I thought that was odd, but didn't investigate. The next afternoon he also followed me in, but when leaving he turned and went up the stairs. Now I was curious. I walked halfway up the stairs and saw a little pink dish with some catfood and water outside of Brittany's door. I have to say, that did please me.
So Monday night I'm getting back from the store. As I walk up to the sidewalk, Brittany is there smoking a butt, and the little cat is sitting perched on the railing. I figured there was no time better than the present to find out a couple things.
I asked her if that was her cat. She said it was.
I asked his name. She said it was 'Ariel'. It's a girl cat.
Then she said, "I do feed her, I swear. She just likes to be outside. She eats and then scratches at the door to leave." Then she added something about Ariel coming to visit me often (perhaps that other neighbor lady who saw the cat come in that afternoon said something?) and apologized. I told her that was no problem at all. I didn't specify how often Ariel visits me or how long she tends to stay ... or that she has her own food dish in my apartment, though.
But it was good to find out that Brittany does care about the little cat after all, and that she isn't the douchebag I was starting to believe she was.
Once in a while my faith in people is rewarded.
Virgorama
"The advantage of the incomprehensible is that it never loses its freshness," wrote French poet Paul Valery. From that perspective, Virgo, I bet you'll be sparkling and brisk in the coming days. You will be cheeky and saucy, crisp and rosy, bright and well-ventilated. There'll be so much delightfully hard-to-understand novelty flowing your way that you will be awakened again and again and again, rising to a higher level of awareness each time.
I hope this corresponds with some feeling better.
I hope this corresponds with some feeling better.
Sick Day +1
So the next day I felt even worse. I woke up all right, except for some indigestion, but I got gradually worse over the course of the morning. I was coughing still and I felt weak, especially in the arms. It was such that I considered ditching and going home early. I managed to stick it out, but by god was that idea tempting. After lunch I felt reasonably better, but even so I kept my eye on the goal: get home and camp out on the couch with my good friends Dr. Who, Samurai Jack, and the Teen Titans. And that's all I did.
I crashed there for a while. Then I went to the store, came home, and crashed again until sometime in the middle of the night. There was no visible clock from the couch, so I was afraid it might be really late into the morning, and I really really wanted to get more sleep. I was even considering calling in. Believe me, if we were still talking about LSI I'd have called out in a frikking heartbeat without even thinking about it.
It was only 1:50 in the morning, meaning I had plenty of time to crawl in here and get some more shut-eye. But first I chugged some Day-Quil (I was afraid to use Ny at that time of the morning for fear I wouldn't get up on time), and it seemed to do the trick as I woke up later on covered in sweat .... but feeling much much better. And at work I was feeling better, too. I still have a nagging cough, but it's going away.
These symptoms and such here are exactly like what I had last February that kicked my ass (except no sore throat this time). That corresponds to the last time I tried to kick that dirty little habit of mine. In fact, the only time I felt better yesterday was when I experimented and had one ... and it cleared me up. That is just the definition of unfair.
Although, I've only had three in the past 48 hours, so if I can get through this without them, I should be good.
Let's hope so.
I crashed there for a while. Then I went to the store, came home, and crashed again until sometime in the middle of the night. There was no visible clock from the couch, so I was afraid it might be really late into the morning, and I really really wanted to get more sleep. I was even considering calling in. Believe me, if we were still talking about LSI I'd have called out in a frikking heartbeat without even thinking about it.
It was only 1:50 in the morning, meaning I had plenty of time to crawl in here and get some more shut-eye. But first I chugged some Day-Quil (I was afraid to use Ny at that time of the morning for fear I wouldn't get up on time), and it seemed to do the trick as I woke up later on covered in sweat .... but feeling much much better. And at work I was feeling better, too. I still have a nagging cough, but it's going away.
These symptoms and such here are exactly like what I had last February that kicked my ass (except no sore throat this time). That corresponds to the last time I tried to kick that dirty little habit of mine. In fact, the only time I felt better yesterday was when I experimented and had one ... and it cleared me up. That is just the definition of unfair.
Although, I've only had three in the past 48 hours, so if I can get through this without them, I should be good.
Let's hope so.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sick Day
So I owe this thing a few posts, and we will get caught up, but not today. Today I'm taking a sick day. The big weekend wrap-up will come tomorrow.
I felt fine when I woke up, if not a little tired, but that's no biggie. Then I started getting a small headache around 6, and it kept on until it grew into quite a sizeable headache. Added to that, I started feeling a little dizzy and then my stomach started doing flip-flops. During most of the afternoon I thought I might throw up, but I never did. And of course I kept on at work, like always, because I do not take sick time unless it's absolutely necessary. It was, however, a very very long day. My only goal was to get out of there, come home, and crash on the couch with some dvds. And that's what I did.
I didn't even make it through a whole Teen Titans episode before my eyelids were so heavy I couldn't even attempt to keep them open. So I blanked out there. Then I came in there and blanked out further. While I was out I missed a call from Amy. Aw shucks. The rest of the world will have to fend for themselves today -- I'm under the weather.
I feel much better now, though.
I felt fine when I woke up, if not a little tired, but that's no biggie. Then I started getting a small headache around 6, and it kept on until it grew into quite a sizeable headache. Added to that, I started feeling a little dizzy and then my stomach started doing flip-flops. During most of the afternoon I thought I might throw up, but I never did. And of course I kept on at work, like always, because I do not take sick time unless it's absolutely necessary. It was, however, a very very long day. My only goal was to get out of there, come home, and crash on the couch with some dvds. And that's what I did.
I didn't even make it through a whole Teen Titans episode before my eyelids were so heavy I couldn't even attempt to keep them open. So I blanked out there. Then I came in there and blanked out further. While I was out I missed a call from Amy. Aw shucks. The rest of the world will have to fend for themselves today -- I'm under the weather.
I feel much better now, though.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Tidbits
In getting back in touch with some of my in-laws, Amanda and Terri in particular, I've found out some things.
Let's start with X. First of all, it's getting increasingly hard to refer to her with that single initial. When I'm talking about her with Dan, Terri, or Amanda, using her real name is just unavoidable. There's no way around it. But I'm still not going to use it here.
Anyway, she's apparently back in North Carolina. I'd learned from Amanda that she was living with Terri not two years ago, and fearing an accidental run-in while down there sometime, I asked Terri what she knew. I guess X had worn out her welcome, you know, like she tends to do, was a pain in the ass, and according to Terri said some "horrible things" to her son. I don't doubt that for a second. While Lynne might be a little "conceited" (that's Terri's words, not mine), Troy can be a leech, and Terri is a nuisance at worst, the Other One is pure evil and not to be trusted. Now granted, she's my ex-wife and I'm biased on the subject, but if you don't believe me, ask *anyone*. Ask anyone who's met her. Ask her own freaking family. To a person, they will back up my opinion.
Apparently, she's also lost a lot of weight, but Terri says that's mostly due to the crack usage. That also doesn't surprise me at all. She never let me see her using hard drugs, but I did suspect. I suspected when the money I gave her to pay bills ended up paying nothing. I really suspected this one afternoon after she and Crystal had a big fight, Crystal threw her out, and X came home and was completely apeshit bananas over it. And I mean completely apeshit bonkers compared to how she usually was. I was so sketched out by that I abandoned ship and went up to Shannon's apartment and hung out there as late as I could (I'd known Shannon maybe two weeks at this point). My theory then was: she's desperate for a fix and having a total fucking meltdown. I bet I was right.
I am curious to see what the smaller version of X looks like, however. Not curious enough to seek her out. Maybe somebody has a picture of this.
She's down in NC with some guy. Terri mentioned a name, but I don't remember it. It wasn't a name name, though. It was some kind of redneck hillbilly nickname kind of thing. Terri says that he's an asshole and beats her, but she goes back again and again to him. Now, I don't condone this sort of thing, but in this one case *only*, I find there to be some sort of ironic justice at work in the universe. In my eyes, she deserves whatever she gets.
Meanwhile, Troy is living in Pennsylvania, has cancer, and it sounds bad. That sucks. He isn't really a bad guy. He's actually very charming and personable ... when he isn't on cocaine or out of his mind drunk. I've had to deal with him that way a couple times, and it wasn't fun. This one night he showed up drunk at his mom's house while X and me were living there. It was like the middle of the night. He got into it with his mom, X went down to try and sort it out, and I tried to sit it out while listening in the doorway. But he got abusive, so I had to intervene, and it ended up with me putting him on the floor and holding him in a headlock until he promised to behave .... oh, and I made him apologize to his mother, too. Other than that, though, I never had a problem with the guy.
Terri mentioned to her mom that she'd been in touch with me. Lois then went on about how she always liked me and that I was the best thing that happened to X, and that she was stupid for screwing it up. I always liked Lois. Best mother-in-law ever.
While visiting with Amanda she brought up a story that I'd forgotten all about. This goes back to 1992, not long after I'd met Lynne and Amanda, and almost directly after the Bad Thing happened, so suffice to say I was a walking trainwreck. Anyway, we were over at Lynne's, and X had one of her blow-ups. I don't remember what it was about, and I only have vague memories of it, but it was big. It kind of erupted into a scene where X got violent towards me, throwing punches and whatnot, because she could be like that, and Amanda -- all of 7 years old -- jumped in and tried to pull X off. "You leave my uncle alone RIGHT NOW!" Remember that Amanda was a tiny girl, and X was a monster. I'd forgotten this completely, but listening to Amanda tell the story brought it back clear as day. That girl is my motherfucking hero.
Naturally, back in those days, I had opportunities to return the favor. There was a week where Jason and Amanda were staying with us in Greenfield. Again, I don't know what sparked it, but X went off the deep end and was *pissed* at the both of them over some stupid thing, and it was clear to me that she intended some violence. And I got in her way and made it clear in no uncertain terms that she was going to touch them over my dead body. And that time she backed down.
So that's one Crowning Moment of Awesome for Amanda, one for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't help her with Charlie, but that sonofabitch's day will come. Karma is one bad motherfucker, and I know that for certain.
I guess my ex-wife knows that, too.
Let's start with X. First of all, it's getting increasingly hard to refer to her with that single initial. When I'm talking about her with Dan, Terri, or Amanda, using her real name is just unavoidable. There's no way around it. But I'm still not going to use it here.
Anyway, she's apparently back in North Carolina. I'd learned from Amanda that she was living with Terri not two years ago, and fearing an accidental run-in while down there sometime, I asked Terri what she knew. I guess X had worn out her welcome, you know, like she tends to do, was a pain in the ass, and according to Terri said some "horrible things" to her son. I don't doubt that for a second. While Lynne might be a little "conceited" (that's Terri's words, not mine), Troy can be a leech, and Terri is a nuisance at worst, the Other One is pure evil and not to be trusted. Now granted, she's my ex-wife and I'm biased on the subject, but if you don't believe me, ask *anyone*. Ask anyone who's met her. Ask her own freaking family. To a person, they will back up my opinion.
Apparently, she's also lost a lot of weight, but Terri says that's mostly due to the crack usage. That also doesn't surprise me at all. She never let me see her using hard drugs, but I did suspect. I suspected when the money I gave her to pay bills ended up paying nothing. I really suspected this one afternoon after she and Crystal had a big fight, Crystal threw her out, and X came home and was completely apeshit bananas over it. And I mean completely apeshit bonkers compared to how she usually was. I was so sketched out by that I abandoned ship and went up to Shannon's apartment and hung out there as late as I could (I'd known Shannon maybe two weeks at this point). My theory then was: she's desperate for a fix and having a total fucking meltdown. I bet I was right.
I am curious to see what the smaller version of X looks like, however. Not curious enough to seek her out. Maybe somebody has a picture of this.
She's down in NC with some guy. Terri mentioned a name, but I don't remember it. It wasn't a name name, though. It was some kind of redneck hillbilly nickname kind of thing. Terri says that he's an asshole and beats her, but she goes back again and again to him. Now, I don't condone this sort of thing, but in this one case *only*, I find there to be some sort of ironic justice at work in the universe. In my eyes, she deserves whatever she gets.
Meanwhile, Troy is living in Pennsylvania, has cancer, and it sounds bad. That sucks. He isn't really a bad guy. He's actually very charming and personable ... when he isn't on cocaine or out of his mind drunk. I've had to deal with him that way a couple times, and it wasn't fun. This one night he showed up drunk at his mom's house while X and me were living there. It was like the middle of the night. He got into it with his mom, X went down to try and sort it out, and I tried to sit it out while listening in the doorway. But he got abusive, so I had to intervene, and it ended up with me putting him on the floor and holding him in a headlock until he promised to behave .... oh, and I made him apologize to his mother, too. Other than that, though, I never had a problem with the guy.
Terri mentioned to her mom that she'd been in touch with me. Lois then went on about how she always liked me and that I was the best thing that happened to X, and that she was stupid for screwing it up. I always liked Lois. Best mother-in-law ever.
While visiting with Amanda she brought up a story that I'd forgotten all about. This goes back to 1992, not long after I'd met Lynne and Amanda, and almost directly after the Bad Thing happened, so suffice to say I was a walking trainwreck. Anyway, we were over at Lynne's, and X had one of her blow-ups. I don't remember what it was about, and I only have vague memories of it, but it was big. It kind of erupted into a scene where X got violent towards me, throwing punches and whatnot, because she could be like that, and Amanda -- all of 7 years old -- jumped in and tried to pull X off. "You leave my uncle alone RIGHT NOW!" Remember that Amanda was a tiny girl, and X was a monster. I'd forgotten this completely, but listening to Amanda tell the story brought it back clear as day. That girl is my motherfucking hero.
Naturally, back in those days, I had opportunities to return the favor. There was a week where Jason and Amanda were staying with us in Greenfield. Again, I don't know what sparked it, but X went off the deep end and was *pissed* at the both of them over some stupid thing, and it was clear to me that she intended some violence. And I got in her way and made it clear in no uncertain terms that she was going to touch them over my dead body. And that time she backed down.
So that's one Crowning Moment of Awesome for Amanda, one for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't help her with Charlie, but that sonofabitch's day will come. Karma is one bad motherfucker, and I know that for certain.
I guess my ex-wife knows that, too.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Dilemna
There is an issue at work that has all my friends divided. As usual, I can see both sides of the issue, and they both have a good point to be made.
Some of my friends at work think Cooter is an annoying jackass.
Other of my friends at work think Cooter is a lazy worthless fuck.
How are we ever going to work this out?
Brothers! Sisters! COME TOGETHER.
Can't we just agree, perhaps, that Cooter is an annoying worthless fuckass?
It seems easy enough, doesn't it?
----
with apologies to the late Bill Hicks.
Some of my friends at work think Cooter is an annoying jackass.
Other of my friends at work think Cooter is a lazy worthless fuck.
How are we ever going to work this out?
Brothers! Sisters! COME TOGETHER.
Can't we just agree, perhaps, that Cooter is an annoying worthless fuckass?
It seems easy enough, doesn't it?
----
with apologies to the late Bill Hicks.
Virgorama
Do you believe in invisible things? No? You say you only trust information that comes to you through your five senses? Then what's your position on radio waves, infrared light, electricity, and X-rays? Do you believe in them, even though your senses have no contact with them whatsoever? It's true that scientists have developed instruments that detect those invisible things. But what if there are other hidden forces and secret energies the scientists have yet to develop instruments to find? Let these thoughts be the starting point for your meditations in the coming week, Virgo. It's prime time for you to recognize, engage with, and benefit from what has been concealed from you up until now.
Of course I believe in invisible things -- ghosts, spirits, a Nice Lady -- so in one respect I'm way ahead of this horoscope.
Or are they trying to tell me something else?
Of course I believe in invisible things -- ghosts, spirits, a Nice Lady -- so in one respect I'm way ahead of this horoscope.
Or are they trying to tell me something else?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Dickens Analogy
In the interest of pursuing and idea I had today that would serve to make Stray Bullets a little more new-reader friendly (for any theoretical new readers), I am going to write out a small equation by means of an analogy. Don't worry about it now, but it will be more important later.
Miranda = The Ghost of Christmas Past.
Ally and Evie = The Ghosts of Christmas Present.
Nova = The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Now you may be saying "Huh?", but it'll make more sense in a day or two. You'll see.
Miranda = The Ghost of Christmas Past.
Ally and Evie = The Ghosts of Christmas Present.
Nova = The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Now you may be saying "Huh?", but it'll make more sense in a day or two. You'll see.
Good Grief
Is it really Tuesday evening already? Honestly, I spent all day today thinking it was Monday. Maybe it's because I crashed so hard yesterday. I went to work, came home, laid down on my bed, and blammo ... it's almost 9:00. I got up long enough to have some cole slaw for dinner (really), go to the store for my morning chocolate milk, check the Newsarama boards, check my Myspace page, write a post, and talk to Guinevere. Then I went back to bed.
Today was a more normal type day. Work wasn't so bad. I wasn't in a crappy mood (not in a great mood either, but I'll take what I can get). I came home and did some stuff, and even though I didn't do all the stuff I intended (like that ever happens), it was good enough.
For now, it's good enough.
Today was a more normal type day. Work wasn't so bad. I wasn't in a crappy mood (not in a great mood either, but I'll take what I can get). I came home and did some stuff, and even though I didn't do all the stuff I intended (like that ever happens), it was good enough.
For now, it's good enough.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Reunions and Such
As you know, I went to Massachusetts. I got back last night, but was too tired and fried to post anything, even though I wanted to, so here I am now.
I went down Friday afternoon. Dan was down there waiting for me when I pulled in. He looked much like I remembered, except even more like his dad. I already knew this from the phone conversations, but our old chemistry was intact, even if I couldn't quite remember some of the dynamics of our relationship. I don't even know if that makes sense, but if you were in my head you'd know it's a minefield of psychological hiccups that go on in there. It's just been so long. Like I'm comfortable busting on Cooter, but I can't remember if Dan and I used to do that so much, and the programs are somewhat overwriting each other in my brain. I need some time to readjust.
We mostly hung out and talked over old times and dwelled on our shared interests. He hurt his back a few years ago on the job, so he's mostly a homebody, and can't get up to all the wacky hijinks we used to. That doesn't bother me, though. Our main forte was being somewhat dickish through conversational means anyway. There was video games played, dvds watched, some internet surfing, and so on. I like hanging out, yes, but I like to be more active, too. There were other things we wanted to do, like go to a movie, that didn't end up happening for one reason or another, but there's always next time.
His mom was out grocery shopping when I got there. She gave me a big hug when she got back. According to Dan, she missed me almost as much as he did. She's always been cool to me, always treated me like one of the family, always makes me eat dinner with them if I'm around, and gives me leftovers and such to bring home. She went on vacation with one of her daughters for the week. They left on Saturday for ... I forget where. I'm glad I got to see her, though.
So the weekend wasn't quite the Roman orgy I thought might be in store, but Friday night we did get decently fucked up. We went out to the liquor store and picked up some goodies to go with the movies we wanted to watch. My tolerance isn't what it used to be, like during the Barneypalooza days, but I can hold my own. He drank a lot more than I did, though, without seeming too drunk. Of course, there was some pot on top of that as well. I can always take or leave pot. It's always more important to whoever I'm smoking with than it is to me, but once in a while won't kill me. I'm not going to make a habit of it, though, so don't worry.
On Sunday we went over to see Amanda. I almost chickened out. Despite the warm message I got from her last week, I came down with a large case of the nerves. She was 7 when I met her and 16 the last time I saw her. I'd never seen her as an adult, and it had been so long, and my brain came up with so many reasons for me to back out. But I was screwing around online Saturday night and she sent me another message asking if I was coming down that weekend and if I was coming over, and I thought about it for a while, and it bugged me and bugged me and bugged me until I went back and wrote back that I was in town already and I could stop by on Sunday. If I didn't, it would bug me all week long.
I practically had to drag Dan along. He wasn't sure he wanted to go, but I was adamant that he should. The two of them have been in contact here and there over the years, and she did say he could come along. But above that, I was going to be a whole lot more comfortable with back-up than I would be if I went alone.
And it was a very nice time. I was happy to see her, she was happy to see me, we talked about all manner of things, and I met my ... what is it?... great niece Zoe, who at five months is adorable. She has two other kids, too, but they're both living with Lynne at the moment, and apparently Lynne and Amanda aren't getting along. Hmmm. If I'm going to talk to Lynne at all I might have to navigate a new route. Things were left open for future visits, too. If I only reconnect with one person out of that family, Amanda would be the one. Well, I like her brother, too, but he's in Arkansas and a bit out of reach. The others? Not as much. And the one? No fucking way.
I feel like I'm being really vague here with this post, and maybe a little emotionally detatched. I think it's just because I'm tired and fried and burnt out. The nostalgia tour is great and all, and there are a few other stops I want to make along the way (Shannon, for instance), but for whatever reason I'm feeling a little sad about a few things. I'm not sure exactly why either.
I'm going to have to work it out.
I went down Friday afternoon. Dan was down there waiting for me when I pulled in. He looked much like I remembered, except even more like his dad. I already knew this from the phone conversations, but our old chemistry was intact, even if I couldn't quite remember some of the dynamics of our relationship. I don't even know if that makes sense, but if you were in my head you'd know it's a minefield of psychological hiccups that go on in there. It's just been so long. Like I'm comfortable busting on Cooter, but I can't remember if Dan and I used to do that so much, and the programs are somewhat overwriting each other in my brain. I need some time to readjust.
We mostly hung out and talked over old times and dwelled on our shared interests. He hurt his back a few years ago on the job, so he's mostly a homebody, and can't get up to all the wacky hijinks we used to. That doesn't bother me, though. Our main forte was being somewhat dickish through conversational means anyway. There was video games played, dvds watched, some internet surfing, and so on. I like hanging out, yes, but I like to be more active, too. There were other things we wanted to do, like go to a movie, that didn't end up happening for one reason or another, but there's always next time.
His mom was out grocery shopping when I got there. She gave me a big hug when she got back. According to Dan, she missed me almost as much as he did. She's always been cool to me, always treated me like one of the family, always makes me eat dinner with them if I'm around, and gives me leftovers and such to bring home. She went on vacation with one of her daughters for the week. They left on Saturday for ... I forget where. I'm glad I got to see her, though.
So the weekend wasn't quite the Roman orgy I thought might be in store, but Friday night we did get decently fucked up. We went out to the liquor store and picked up some goodies to go with the movies we wanted to watch. My tolerance isn't what it used to be, like during the Barneypalooza days, but I can hold my own. He drank a lot more than I did, though, without seeming too drunk. Of course, there was some pot on top of that as well. I can always take or leave pot. It's always more important to whoever I'm smoking with than it is to me, but once in a while won't kill me. I'm not going to make a habit of it, though, so don't worry.
On Sunday we went over to see Amanda. I almost chickened out. Despite the warm message I got from her last week, I came down with a large case of the nerves. She was 7 when I met her and 16 the last time I saw her. I'd never seen her as an adult, and it had been so long, and my brain came up with so many reasons for me to back out. But I was screwing around online Saturday night and she sent me another message asking if I was coming down that weekend and if I was coming over, and I thought about it for a while, and it bugged me and bugged me and bugged me until I went back and wrote back that I was in town already and I could stop by on Sunday. If I didn't, it would bug me all week long.
I practically had to drag Dan along. He wasn't sure he wanted to go, but I was adamant that he should. The two of them have been in contact here and there over the years, and she did say he could come along. But above that, I was going to be a whole lot more comfortable with back-up than I would be if I went alone.
And it was a very nice time. I was happy to see her, she was happy to see me, we talked about all manner of things, and I met my ... what is it?... great niece Zoe, who at five months is adorable. She has two other kids, too, but they're both living with Lynne at the moment, and apparently Lynne and Amanda aren't getting along. Hmmm. If I'm going to talk to Lynne at all I might have to navigate a new route. Things were left open for future visits, too. If I only reconnect with one person out of that family, Amanda would be the one. Well, I like her brother, too, but he's in Arkansas and a bit out of reach. The others? Not as much. And the one? No fucking way.
I feel like I'm being really vague here with this post, and maybe a little emotionally detatched. I think it's just because I'm tired and fried and burnt out. The nostalgia tour is great and all, and there are a few other stops I want to make along the way (Shannon, for instance), but for whatever reason I'm feeling a little sad about a few things. I'm not sure exactly why either.
I'm going to have to work it out.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Now is the Time
Well, I'll keep this short as I'm running a bit late already. There was going to be a longer sort of post, but I kind of got hijacked with other things, so I'll try to do it when I get back.
I'm off to Massachusetts to see my long-lost little brother, and possibly a few other people, too.
See y'all later on, folks. Be good.
I'm off to Massachusetts to see my long-lost little brother, and possibly a few other people, too.
See y'all later on, folks. Be good.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
It Can't Rain All the Time
I'm not sure how I'm still standing.
Yesterday, after the phone conversation I went out to the store. Shortly after my return here, I crashed hard. I was watching some Teen Titans and just zonked out. Realizing I couldn't fight the tide, I came in here and plopped down, and I was out cold in seconds. I woke up a little after 10 PM. Then, knowing I'd have trouble getting back to sleep that night, and also wanting to accomplish a few things, I just stayed up.
I was a little wobbily this morning at work for the first couple hours, but it wore off, and before long I forgot that I'd stayed up all night and the effects of such went away. Cooter had an idea about coming over and cooking dinner here, and since he was buying the food, I figured fuck it. So we had hot dogs and watched The Crow, and then he checked his mail again and left. And I've been winding down ever since. Right now I'm drowsy and fading fast. But I am glad I came on at least to see Amanda's message, because that really made my day.
But right now I really need teh sleep.
Yesterday, after the phone conversation I went out to the store. Shortly after my return here, I crashed hard. I was watching some Teen Titans and just zonked out. Realizing I couldn't fight the tide, I came in here and plopped down, and I was out cold in seconds. I woke up a little after 10 PM. Then, knowing I'd have trouble getting back to sleep that night, and also wanting to accomplish a few things, I just stayed up.
I was a little wobbily this morning at work for the first couple hours, but it wore off, and before long I forgot that I'd stayed up all night and the effects of such went away. Cooter had an idea about coming over and cooking dinner here, and since he was buying the food, I figured fuck it. So we had hot dogs and watched The Crow, and then he checked his mail again and left. And I've been winding down ever since. Right now I'm drowsy and fading fast. But I am glad I came on at least to see Amanda's message, because that really made my day.
But right now I really need teh sleep.
Virgorama
Jesus. This is like the fourth or fifth week in a row that Free Will Astrology has frikken blown my mind. Read this horoscope keeping in mind the murderer's row of posts I put up Monday, and see if it doesn't also blow your mind.
The light in your eyes looks a little foggy, Virgo. The fire in your belly seems to be smoldering, and your brain has been hiccupping. At least your heart isn't exactly broken. (Though I'm tempted to make suggestions about how to fix it anyway.) Am I worried? Not at all. After the nonstop breakthroughs you enjoyed there for a while, I expected that you would eventually need time to slow down and let everything sink in. So I suggest that you cultivate a state of low-key contentment as your deep mind integrates the transformations you set in motion.
See?
The light in your eyes looks a little foggy, Virgo. The fire in your belly seems to be smoldering, and your brain has been hiccupping. At least your heart isn't exactly broken. (Though I'm tempted to make suggestions about how to fix it anyway.) Am I worried? Not at all. After the nonstop breakthroughs you enjoyed there for a while, I expected that you would eventually need time to slow down and let everything sink in. So I suggest that you cultivate a state of low-key contentment as your deep mind integrates the transformations you set in motion.
See?
Amanda Update
So this was the reply I got today from Amanda:
"OMG How are you?????? I am doin very well for myself. I have 3 babies now as you probaly saw!!!!! Some day you should come and visit me and meet my fiance and see the baby. Jay moved to Arkansaw a little while ago. And you are still my uncle no matter what. You should put a pic of you on here so I can see what you look like now. I will ttyl. OK Love ya uncle shaun"
I have nothing really to add to that except ....
:)
"OMG How are you?????? I am doin very well for myself. I have 3 babies now as you probaly saw!!!!! Some day you should come and visit me and meet my fiance and see the baby. Jay moved to Arkansaw a little while ago. And you are still my uncle no matter what. You should put a pic of you on here so I can see what you look like now. I will ttyl. OK Love ya uncle shaun"
I have nothing really to add to that except ....
:)
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
I Bet You Could Actually Feel the Presence of Evil Right There in the Room
I was hoping that perhaps after sleeping on it that I would feel better about things, but the truth is that this morning ... I felt much worse. For the first few hours of work I was a small ball of angry in human form. But it got better throughout the course of the day. Several things are still really really bothering me, but I can deal.
After work Cooter came by to check something out on teh internet. Meanwhile I listened to the various messages in my full phone mailbox. He could overhear some of them, particularly Dan's, and he seemed somewhat horrified. Then, in something I was hoping would happen, the phone rang. I answered it and it was Dan. So then we talked for about an hour while Cooter did his thing, and we hit so many notes of the old days and things we used to get up to, and laughed so hard, and told so many stories that I think Cooter was actually afraid.
Dan and I together are one of the greatest tag teams in modern history. The reign of terror we unleashed on Western Mass between 1992 and 1998 is a thing of legend. While alone I can still be something of a sarcastic troublemaking jerk, it's a much different playing field when I have a tag team partner to bounce ideas off of. And Dan and I have wicked chemistry. Sometimes I'm the idea person that sets him off; sometimes he's the idea person who sets me off. There are so many stories that I could fill this blog with them for weeks to come. What you've heard already is only the part of the glacier that's above the water. There's a whole gigantic thing lurking beneath the surface.
At one point Dan and I were talking about something appalling, and only hearing my half of it, Cooter turned around from the computer and gave me a look of complete astonishment. So I said, "You don't want to know." And he agreed that he really didn't. You should have seen that look. It was like he just watched Samara Morgan crawl up out of the well.
I got off the phone just as Cooter was wrapping up. He said, "Geez, I thought women were bad on the phone." So I replied that the two of us together are an evil force he can't hope to comprehend. He's hung out with me, but he's never seen the Western Massachusetts side of me. I'm sure he went home and told Amy about his experience, too.
Be afraid, Cooter. Be very afraid.
After work Cooter came by to check something out on teh internet. Meanwhile I listened to the various messages in my full phone mailbox. He could overhear some of them, particularly Dan's, and he seemed somewhat horrified. Then, in something I was hoping would happen, the phone rang. I answered it and it was Dan. So then we talked for about an hour while Cooter did his thing, and we hit so many notes of the old days and things we used to get up to, and laughed so hard, and told so many stories that I think Cooter was actually afraid.
Dan and I together are one of the greatest tag teams in modern history. The reign of terror we unleashed on Western Mass between 1992 and 1998 is a thing of legend. While alone I can still be something of a sarcastic troublemaking jerk, it's a much different playing field when I have a tag team partner to bounce ideas off of. And Dan and I have wicked chemistry. Sometimes I'm the idea person that sets him off; sometimes he's the idea person who sets me off. There are so many stories that I could fill this blog with them for weeks to come. What you've heard already is only the part of the glacier that's above the water. There's a whole gigantic thing lurking beneath the surface.
At one point Dan and I were talking about something appalling, and only hearing my half of it, Cooter turned around from the computer and gave me a look of complete astonishment. So I said, "You don't want to know." And he agreed that he really didn't. You should have seen that look. It was like he just watched Samara Morgan crawl up out of the well.
I got off the phone just as Cooter was wrapping up. He said, "Geez, I thought women were bad on the phone." So I replied that the two of us together are an evil force he can't hope to comprehend. He's hung out with me, but he's never seen the Western Massachusetts side of me. I'm sure he went home and told Amy about his experience, too.
Be afraid, Cooter. Be very afraid.
Monday, August 04, 2008
And We're Back
I had two, by the way. Well worth it.
So, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'd rather blow off tomorrow and spend the morning on the couch watching Teen Titans (I'm marathoning all five seasons -- 65 episodes -- out of my personal collection, in between my Netflix stuff) and the afternoon working on that Diner scene, with maybe some reading time squeezed in there somewhere. Of course, I can't blow off work because I need the money and I want to stay in the good graces of the Powers That Be. Besides, Little Miss Responsible would never let me get away with it. So it's off to work I go.
After all, those guns aren't going to bolt-fit themselves, and god knows Cooter can't fucking do it.
This weekend, though, I'm headed to Mass. I'm reconnecting with my old friend Dan. I don't know what we're going to do exactly, but I am sure in the mood to raise a little hell.
I aim to misbehave.
So, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'd rather blow off tomorrow and spend the morning on the couch watching Teen Titans (I'm marathoning all five seasons -- 65 episodes -- out of my personal collection, in between my Netflix stuff) and the afternoon working on that Diner scene, with maybe some reading time squeezed in there somewhere. Of course, I can't blow off work because I need the money and I want to stay in the good graces of the Powers That Be. Besides, Little Miss Responsible would never let me get away with it. So it's off to work I go.
After all, those guns aren't going to bolt-fit themselves, and god knows Cooter can't fucking do it.
This weekend, though, I'm headed to Mass. I'm reconnecting with my old friend Dan. I don't know what we're going to do exactly, but I am sure in the mood to raise a little hell.
I aim to misbehave.
We'll Be Right Back After These Commercial Messages
If anybody's looking for me, I'll be outside having a goddam cigarette.
Just because I want one. That's why.
I expect I'm going to really enjoy that sucker, too.
Be back in a minute.
Just because I want one. That's why.
I expect I'm going to really enjoy that sucker, too.
Be back in a minute.
Dinner at 10:30
So I forced myself to go out and make some scrambled eggs, and I'm glad I did because they were really good. Some eggs was about the limit as far as the effort I was willing to put into it, though.
When I opened the carton I noticed there was an egg missing. I almost had a cow.
"Boss, it's just one egg."
Yeah, well, Cal, today nothing is *just* anything. I'm a might tetchy. You know, when I was buying these eggs I would swear I looked in the carton. I looked inside a few and saw cracked eggs and moved on. It's impossible to me that I did not check this one. But unless my small feline friend got up in the middle of last night and helped himself to an egg, I got ripped off.
I've decided to let this one go.
I'm already pissy enough.
When I opened the carton I noticed there was an egg missing. I almost had a cow.
"Boss, it's just one egg."
Yeah, well, Cal, today nothing is *just* anything. I'm a might tetchy. You know, when I was buying these eggs I would swear I looked in the carton. I looked inside a few and saw cracked eggs and moved on. It's impossible to me that I did not check this one. But unless my small feline friend got up in the middle of last night and helped himself to an egg, I got ripped off.
I've decided to let this one go.
I'm already pissy enough.
Hey, Guinevere
1. That e-mail you sent me regarding the Nice Lady evidence never arrived. I don't know why.
B. Did we ever decide on which laptop to go with? I just may have some extra money Real Soon Now to spend on such a luxury.
Talk to you soon.
B. Did we ever decide on which laptop to go with? I just may have some extra money Real Soon Now to spend on such a luxury.
Talk to you soon.
Violence is Sometimes the Answer, and Besides ... It's Fun
There was almost a Cootericide at work today. The annoying, fat, stupid little fuckwit was really getting on my nerves. Sure, this happens all the time, but today I was almost inspired to sudden and bloody violence, and it was thisclose to happening.
Cooler heads prevailed.
He's still a little asshole, though.
Cooler heads prevailed.
He's still a little asshole, though.
Too Lazy to Give a Shit
I'm being lazy. I can tell already I don't have the concentration to write out a real post, so you'll have to settle for these.
I haven't even made myself dinner yet. That's how lazy I am.
All day long I couldn't wait to get home and work on stuff. No stuff was worked on.
I should call Dan. He'd make me laugh and feel better. Too lazy to even do that.
I should sign on AIM and hopefully talk to Guinevere. I might just do that.
I can't even get out of my own way tonight. Jesus.
Fuck. I guess I should eat something.
I haven't even made myself dinner yet. That's how lazy I am.
All day long I couldn't wait to get home and work on stuff. No stuff was worked on.
I should call Dan. He'd make me laugh and feel better. Too lazy to even do that.
I should sign on AIM and hopefully talk to Guinevere. I might just do that.
I can't even get out of my own way tonight. Jesus.
Fuck. I guess I should eat something.
Rrrr
I don't know if it's an imbalance in the cosmos or what, but why does it seem like all the cool chicks are already with some douchebag? Doesn't it seem that way? I'm not being cynical, or bitter, this is pure observation. And it's pissing me off. I'm not talking necessarily about any chick that I would feel like taking off of their hands for my very own or anything. It's just bothering me on the conceptual level. And many times these same chicks will talk to me and discuss the douchebaggery that they have to put up with. "Oh, he doesn't appreciate me. He doesn't pay attention to me." Etc.
It seems clear to me, though.
STOP GOING OUT WITH THE DOUCHEBAGS.
I mean, come on.
*****
There was going to be a funny picture or two to go along with this post, but due to some stupid fucking internal error this won't let me load them up.
Double rrrrrrr.
It seems clear to me, though.
STOP GOING OUT WITH THE DOUCHEBAGS.
I mean, come on.
*****
There was going to be a funny picture or two to go along with this post, but due to some stupid fucking internal error this won't let me load them up.
Double rrrrrrr.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
The Writing Thing
Today was a good day. It was also a day out of the ordinary as I pretty much did almost everything I wanted to do today. I'll never do *everything* I want to do in a day, because I have a tendency to load up too many things on the to-do list and then get disappointed because I only get through maybe half of them, if that. There's no hope that'll ever get better, because I've been like this since I was ten years old. So, a day where I do 'almost everything' tends to be a very good day indeed.
The highlight, of course, was getting some quality writing done. I just wrapped a scene that's been dogging me for quite a while now, and that's a good thing. It's a complicated Kelly, Emma, Alyssa scene that not only plays out what's happening right then, but jumps back a few days to revisit the first scene of the chapter between Kelly and Emma, and also jumps back a few weeks to show an important conversation between Kelly and Alyssa. Well, it's important in that it sets up what happens in the next chapter ... when everything starts to hit the wall.
The next scene is one I'm eager to get into. It's another Kelly and Ben at the Diner scene, which also brings back Leah, introduces Kelsie, and does a whole bunch of business as well. It also serves to set up what happens both in the final scene of the chapter and the next chapter, too. There's a lot of tension in it between Kelly and Ben, as Ben might know something that he doesn't want to tell Kelly, and Kelly tries to pull it out of him anyway. That's on tomorrow's docket.
For today, though, mission accomplished.
The highlight, of course, was getting some quality writing done. I just wrapped a scene that's been dogging me for quite a while now, and that's a good thing. It's a complicated Kelly, Emma, Alyssa scene that not only plays out what's happening right then, but jumps back a few days to revisit the first scene of the chapter between Kelly and Emma, and also jumps back a few weeks to show an important conversation between Kelly and Alyssa. Well, it's important in that it sets up what happens in the next chapter ... when everything starts to hit the wall.
The next scene is one I'm eager to get into. It's another Kelly and Ben at the Diner scene, which also brings back Leah, introduces Kelsie, and does a whole bunch of business as well. It also serves to set up what happens both in the final scene of the chapter and the next chapter, too. There's a lot of tension in it between Kelly and Ben, as Ben might know something that he doesn't want to tell Kelly, and Kelly tries to pull it out of him anyway. That's on tomorrow's docket.
For today, though, mission accomplished.
Friday, August 01, 2008
The Amanda Thing
I may have started something foolish tonight. It was a case of it seems like a good idea at the time, but I might regret it tomorrow. We'll see.
So I was talking to Dan again, and in particular Myspace, and he directed me towards some people from the deep dark past that we both know. I went and looked and looked and looked some more. And then I did something potentially foolish and started sending requests to add them.
I started at Crystal's page. She's one of Dan's ex's and was one of X's friends, and I don't care so much about her. But what the heck?
But then we move into actual dangerous territory -- my former in-laws.
I found Terry's page. She's about like I would remember. Whereas Crystal was only ever a minor annoyance, Terry could be a big pest if she figures out who I am. So that might have been dumb.
Then I found Amanda's page. Amanda, if you don't know, is Lynne's daughter, was my niece, and for a long while was my little sweetheart. I met them all when X and me used to spend weekends over at their house in Winchendon. I got along good with Lynne right away, and ended up being the frequent babysitter to Amanda and Jason. In fact, this happened the first time I was ever over there. Lynne and X went grocery shopping, and left me alone with the two of them. So of course the two of them totally wrapped me around their little fingers, and they never lost the ability to do so. Amanda especially.
It certainly didn't hurt that I first met Amanda soon after the Big Bad happened, so I was especially vulnerable to someone like her, but the truth is that I probaby would have taken a shine to her anyway. When I was over there she attached herself to me like glue, and I ate it up. Eventually, that started to really piss off Charlie (her stepfather) and he tried to wipe that out, but it never stuck. Years later I found out another reason why he was so bothered by it, and what he was doing with her, and he's on the short list of people I'd like to beat to death with a sledgehammer. But I digress.
So I sent her a request. That's the one I'm not as leery of. Dan said that a year ago she was asking about me, too, so that's cool. He also warned me that she can be very needy, but that's ok. I know what caused that, and it does upset me that it was happening when I knew her and probably while I was there. There's nothing I can do about that, but given my other background, it's impossible for me not to have a lot of sympathy for her.
She also has three kids, which blows my mind. Yeah, I know she's in her twenties now, but in my mind she's still the same age she used to be.
Lynne didn't have one.
We did search for ... The Other One. Apparently, she's dropped off the face of the world. Good.
I haven't checked back yet to see if any of these requests have hit. I'm a little scared to.
So I was talking to Dan again, and in particular Myspace, and he directed me towards some people from the deep dark past that we both know. I went and looked and looked and looked some more. And then I did something potentially foolish and started sending requests to add them.
I started at Crystal's page. She's one of Dan's ex's and was one of X's friends, and I don't care so much about her. But what the heck?
But then we move into actual dangerous territory -- my former in-laws.
I found Terry's page. She's about like I would remember. Whereas Crystal was only ever a minor annoyance, Terry could be a big pest if she figures out who I am. So that might have been dumb.
Then I found Amanda's page. Amanda, if you don't know, is Lynne's daughter, was my niece, and for a long while was my little sweetheart. I met them all when X and me used to spend weekends over at their house in Winchendon. I got along good with Lynne right away, and ended up being the frequent babysitter to Amanda and Jason. In fact, this happened the first time I was ever over there. Lynne and X went grocery shopping, and left me alone with the two of them. So of course the two of them totally wrapped me around their little fingers, and they never lost the ability to do so. Amanda especially.
It certainly didn't hurt that I first met Amanda soon after the Big Bad happened, so I was especially vulnerable to someone like her, but the truth is that I probaby would have taken a shine to her anyway. When I was over there she attached herself to me like glue, and I ate it up. Eventually, that started to really piss off Charlie (her stepfather) and he tried to wipe that out, but it never stuck. Years later I found out another reason why he was so bothered by it, and what he was doing with her, and he's on the short list of people I'd like to beat to death with a sledgehammer. But I digress.
So I sent her a request. That's the one I'm not as leery of. Dan said that a year ago she was asking about me, too, so that's cool. He also warned me that she can be very needy, but that's ok. I know what caused that, and it does upset me that it was happening when I knew her and probably while I was there. There's nothing I can do about that, but given my other background, it's impossible for me not to have a lot of sympathy for her.
She also has three kids, which blows my mind. Yeah, I know she's in her twenties now, but in my mind she's still the same age she used to be.
Lynne didn't have one.
We did search for ... The Other One. Apparently, she's dropped off the face of the world. Good.
I haven't checked back yet to see if any of these requests have hit. I'm a little scared to.
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