Black Lungs of Destiny

Seriously. I've been waiting months to use that title.

Today was a day long dreaded by many people at my place of employment -- the day we went completely non-smoking. Yes. Now it is against the rules to smoke anywhere on company property no matter what. And a lot of people, including several in upper management, are not happy about that. Me? I'm cool with it. Yes, I have been smoking, and I have smoked several times on company grounds, but I can get by without it, and in fact this seems to me to be a pretty good time to try quitting again. Last time I tried it cold turkey, and it didn't stick. This time the plan is to try it a little more slowly, gradually reducing the number of cigarettes until I'm done. Won't be easy. Think I can do it, though.

I've never been a huge smoker anyway, at least not like I always feared I would be. I never developed into the two packs a day monster, I'm not a chain smoker, and I can go long times without lighting up. It's more of a habit now than a sickness. I don't feel that I really crave the nicotine so much as I just like the action of doing it. And really, my average intake a day is probably around six to eight cigarettes. There are days when it's more, like if I take a longish car trip somewhere, and there are days when it's less. And I can go without when need be. I never ever smoke around my family, for instance, and if I can help it my mom will never know I've ever had one.

On a normal day there's a routine to it: one in the morning on my way to work, one at first break, two at lunch, one at last break, one on the way home, and then probably two later that evening. Today, as it was new rules for us, I skipped the one on my morning ride in and didn't have one until lunchtime. At first break I did want one, but didn't have one. It was widely thought that there would be people all over breaking the rules, but hiding out in the trees or something, but I didn't see anything suspicious, nor did I see any security guys looking around for smokers. It was just quiet. A lot more people than normal stayed inside, which I don't understand. It's a beautiful day, and being outside during break is it's own reward, cigarette or no.

Some of the heavier smokers were having a long time. Bob (our spider) seemed pretty strung out by lunchtime. Terry (the spider for the next cell) was as close to freaking out as anybody I saw. I'm not sure how some of the true hardcore chain smokers are faring.

The one I had at lunch had a wicked kick to it and made me lightheaded. It's been a while since a cigarette punched me like that, and I'll be honest here -- it tasted really good, better than when I have them more frequently. I didn't have another until the ride home, and I've had two since, and that'll be it for the day. Tomorrow I'll probably have about the same. Maybe on Wednesday I'll have less. We'll see. I do want to quit.

I just have to do it in degrees.