Magic Eightball

Back in the day, which is to say 1994, the ex-wife and I used to have regular card games with Dan and his future wife/ex-wife Candy. It wasn't Poker but Hearts, Spades, or Pitch -- all of which I was very good at; none of which I can remember the damned rules to now -- and while those games were fun, the actual point I'm getting around to features my legendary Magic Eightball.

I was first introduced to the concept by my Uncle Tom in the 70's, and I thought they were wicked cool. So shortly before the advent of those card sessions I bought myself one, and not content just to ask it questions, I had to turn it into a performance and build some kind of mystique for it. For example, I was the only one who could ask the ball any questions or else the spirits that reside inside the ball would not answer truthfully. All of the mojo resided in me, so to speak. And I couldn't just ask the question, I had to do some hocus pocus to the tune of, "Oh, mighty spirits of the Eightball! (fill in the question here)?" I know I don't seem like a complete ham, but I really am. The other important rule was that a question could be asked once and only once, otherwise the spirits would start to fuck with you. This, of course, does not include the times the ball would give a non-answer like "Reply hazy. Try again later."

I always stressed, like really really hard, that the Magic Eightball was always right. Always. And, I have to say, any of those times I was asked to divine a yes or no answer from the spirits, that little ball was pretty reliable. It *was* always right, and it was always right because I *believed* it would always be right.

Today, just because I felt like it, and because something was on my mind, I pulled that same Magic Eightball out of my desk drawer and asked it a question.

"Concentrate and ask again."

I concentrated. I asked an even more specific version of that first question.

"Yes."

Well, I thought, that was pretty definitive. We'll see how accurate it turns out to be, however. And for the record, I don't do all the abracadabra if I'm asking a question for myself. That's just for the audience.

The question asked of it is going to have to remain with me.