I Sure Hope the Donkey Survived

All right, so there I was sitting here at the computer chatting with Guinevere when it started up upstairs again. Once again the young (hot) girl who lives above me was engaging in loud sexual intercourse right above my head. This time she started even earlier than the last time, too. It was about 11:00. And it lasted a good long while. I'll have to check the chat logs I saved, but my guess is that the events upstairs carried on for at least a good 45 minutes. And there is some question, at least to my mind, just what in the blue hell was happening up there, because it was a wild scene, man. You would not believe the sounds coming from that apartment. All througout the event, Guin and I carried on a hilarious conversation that I just had to save in my documents. So much of the following post can be attributed to her ad-libs and such that I'm going to give her a co-author credit to this post.

Sparky (11:03:29 PM): oh jesus christ....
Guinevere (11:03:34 PM): what?
Sparky (11:03:35 PM): guess what's happening upstairs
Guinevere (11:03:39 PM): sex
Sparky (11:03:45 PM): good grief
Guinevere (11:03:48 PM): that BITCH
Sparky (11:03:55 PM): yeah. how dare she?
Sparky (11:03:58 PM): dammit!
Guinevere (11:03:59 PM): exactly
Sparky (11:04:28 PM): i think she's even louder this time

She was definitely louder this time. Friday night, in comparison, seemed pretty low-key. Last night it was all guns a blazing. She was moaning and hollering and carrying on like there was no tomorrow. Now I've seen her come and go with numerous guys (or the same one several times, but I don't think so), and in the afternoon I did see a group of at least four people walk by my window while I was watching I Am Legend, go upstairs, and then I heard them walking around up there. That was at like 6:00 or so, and I didn't think anything of it. I mean, this was five hours later, and while I didn't actually see anyone leave, I wasn't exactly paying attention the whole time either. But it does make me wonder.

Guinevere (11:05:13 PM): you should yell "BRAVO" when she comes...that'll make her be quiet next time I bet

It started above me, and then for a while it was in the other room over my living room, then it came back in here, and it bounced around. Every so often it seemed like they were done, but NO. Just taking a break. Then it was right back at it, and she was moaning and carrying on all over again. And -- I swear I'm not making this up -- there was a pounding on the ceiling like the bed was moving up and down. Have you seen the Exorcist? The noises coming from that apartment upstairs were unearthly. It was somewhat frightening. I wasn't sure if I shouldn't call a priest to come down here and investigate. I'm serious. I don't know what was going on in that apartment.

Sparky (11:08:05 PM): i might need to go have a cigarette myself in a minute. she's killing me here

It went on and on and on.

Sparky (11:17:23 PM): i'm starting to think she has more than one guy up there
Guinevere (11:17:31 PM): hahahahahaha....
Sparky (11:17:36 PM): i should wait up and see just who comes out of there
Guinevere (11:17:39 PM): yell.."Can I JOIN?"
Sparky (11:17:43 PM): heheh

I was only half-kidding when I said that. It did seem that she was being passed around from one guy to the next. Or maybe there was another girl up there, too. Maybe it was a full on orgy. I don't know! A small group did enter the apartment several hours earlier. I wished I'd been more nosy and peeked out the window. Maybe I would have seen something relevant to the situation.

Sparky (11:29:02 PM): i swear to god there has to be more than two people up there
Guinevere (11:29:44 PM): maybe she's Linda Blair?
Sparky (11:29:55 PM): it's possible
Guinevere (11:30:14 PM): or she has a REALLY good toy...or a donkey
Sparky (11:30:26 PM): i'm starting to wonder
Guinevere (11:30:40 PM): hahahahaha...that explains the elephant clomping
Sparky (11:30:57 PM): omg. i think we're on to something here
Guinevere (11:31:04 PM): ROTFLMAO

I have to say now, in all honesty, I'll be a little disappointed if it turns out there was no donkey. In my imagination now, there was totally a donkey in that apartment doing unspeakable things to my hot neighbor. The world is just more fun when you can imagine that there's a donkey that's at least partially responsible for the ungodly ruckus happening in the apartment above you.

And look how much time has elapsed here. It's been non-stop since the opening bell. That girl (assuming she's the only one involved) sure has some stamina to be going at that ferocity for that long. Good heavens.

Guinevere (11:31:29 PM): yell to the ceiling "Is the donkey ok up there?"
Guinevere (11:31:52 PM): you will never again listen to her moan without thinking of all this stuff I'm saying
Sparky (11:32:07 PM): i should leave a note on her door. "i hope you didn't hurt the donkey"
Guinevere (11:32:14 PM): bahahahahahahahahaha
Guinevere (11:32:07 PM): I'm sorry I ruined your listen per view
Sparky (11:32:11 PM): no. it's fine

The truth to that is that now I'll never be able to pass her in the driveway without thinking about her donkey.

Oh, and I didn't leave her a note ... this time.

Sparky (11:34:13 PM): there's music and everything. it's like they're filming porn
Sparky (11:34:45 PM): i'm serious. right now it's right above me. a few minutes ago it sounded like it was in the other room
Sparky (11:34:53 PM): what the hell is going on up there?
Guinevere (11:35:39 PM): maybe they are making a porn...
Sparky (11:35:58 PM): i was only partially kidding when i said that
Guinevere (11:36:06 PM): I'm not...
Sparky (11:36:21 PM): now that would be freaking insane!
Guinevere (11:36:27 PM): geez youtube has revolutionized filming...anything..everything
Sparky (11:36:41 PM): living downstairs from a porn star? my next book is writing itself as we speak
Guinevere (11:36:48 PM): hahahahahahaha
Sparky (11:37:09 PM): this town is a goldmine
Guinevere (11:37:23 PM): who knew...newport NH
Sparky (11:37:29 PM): i know it

Now not only is there a donkey lodged in my imagination, but she's totally up there with a crew filming porn. It just HAS to be! I'm not sure I want to live in a world where aliens don't exist, there's no Bigfoot, there isn't a sea serpent living in Loch Ness, and the girl upstairs making the hellacious racket isn't filming a porno with a donkey.

I refuse to live in that world.

Sparky (11:45:18 PM): you know, of course, now in my imagination there's no way it's NOT a porno film going on upstairs
Sparky (11:45:40 PM): i'd actually be disappointed if it turned out not to be

It was *still* going on at this point, but it died down soon after. Maybe the donkey was tired. Maybe they used up all the film. I don't know.

As much as I wanted to stay up and wait it out, so I could see exactly who or what left that apartment, I ended up going to bed before anyone/anything left. If I'd heard footsteps on the stairs I would have broken my neck getting to the front window, just so I could see some shady looking guys leading an exhausted donkey down the driveway and out to the truck that had to be waiting in the street. Now that would have been awesome.

But who would have BELIEVED ME?*


*except for Guin, of course.