Riding the Bullet

So I got something interesting in the mail yesterday. As it's 2008 I was curious as to whether or not something like this would come. What I have is the first indication that a 20 year class reunion for the class of 1988 of the Pioneer Valley Regional School will occur. Whether or not anyone from that class would be organized enough to put something together was a big question mark. The bigger question mark remains: will I attend?

Ten years ago something like this was put together, and not only did I not attend, I didn't even respond. Not even a "no thanks" or a "go screw yourselves". I ignored it completely. Of course, that was 1998, a notoriously bad year for me, so suffice to say my headspace was a little more loose than it is right now. But I was single and alone, and single and alone was not a way I wanted to go and see those people. To be honest, at that time of my life I didn't want to see any of them anyway. Just not a good time for me.

What about now? Hmmm.

High school wasn't one of the best times of my life. I was critically shy, even more so than I still am, believe that or not, and my major operating principle during those years was to exist without calling any attention whatsoever to myself, and on that note I was more or less successful. Out of the 44 people in my graduating class, I don't think it's unreasonable to believe that less than 20 of them really remember me as anything more than a face in their yearbooks, and of that 20 I'd say most of them came through the Bernardston Elementary School. Just playing a hunch here. I never spoke up in class if I could help it. I didn't go out for any athletics. I didn't join *anything*. I kept to myself and that's all I did. My real life as a person didn't actively begin until I started working at Stop & Shop between the 11th and 12th grades.

Interestingly, I was thinking about S&S and it's impact earlier while contemplating this post. There's a straight line from there to here that would not exist if I'd never started working there. It was there that I met Jessica, Jeff, Tina, Michelle, Beth, and Dan. And it was indirectly through there that I met Betsy and my ex-wife (and there's a couple of other connections that I'm leaving out, too). Granted, meeting the ex-wife was nothing to brag about, but without her I didn't meet Troy, didn't apply at FMC, didn't meet Guinevere, didn't meet about half the cast of my book, didn't meet Jude, didn't move to Vermont/New Hampshire, didn't work at LSI, didn't meet Jen, and therefore didn't start at Rugers or move to Newport. So it all worked out.

The (form) letter came from Shelley Nicholson, one of the small handful of people from ol' PVRS that I would actually like to see again. She's good people. Not only that, she's one of the best people. The letters came from her last time, too, and I feel a little guilty that I didn't at least take the time and effort to respond, even if I wasn't going to go. Whatever I decide, I'm at least going to be polite this time around.

Interestingly, the envelope came addressed to my Newport address. Considering that about 1/3 of my regular mail still comes forwarded from Lebanon, and that I wouldn't think she even had the Lebanon address, I'm curioius as to how the letter got here with my new address in her handwriting. Am I in a big database somewhere? Or did she contact my folks first? Because other than my sister I'm not in current contact with a single alumni of that school. It just makes me wonder. I'm not complaining, mind you. Like I said, Shelley is good people.

The date to be saved it Saturday, October 11 of this year. That's far enough away to give me a good comfort zone, rather than if it were happening next month, say. I have the time to figure out what to do.

I don't want to go alone. If I'd taken that chance on Amy, I could have gone with her, but I didn't so I can't. Jen isn't even on the radar anymore.

I also want to get myself into better shape. I'm a bit out of shape, which is a very charitable way of putting it, but I'm working on that. I need to decide what to do about my hair, too, unless it's some casual deal I can wear a baseball cap to ... which I doubt. I might have to experiment with shaving it down again. Doing that in the first place is what caused this current circumstance, so it seems only fair.

For the first time ever, I have a cool job, too, which is nice. FMC, while a seminal job experience, was really nothing that would impress anyone. LSI, even though I was highly skilled and regarded, was too arcane to really explain to anyone. Seriously, do any of you *really* understand what it was I did there? Rugers, on the other hand, is interesting and simple to explain. And even better, I'm not embarassed by it. It's cool enough to pass.

Oh, and I'm writing a book, too. That's even *cooler*.

So now I'm left to decide if I'm going to this, and if I am, there are a few details to be worked out.

I have seven months to prepare.