No Thanks

Meanwhile at work, Barney is still in charge. It was announced by Mike a few weeks back that Barney was stepping down as cell leader, leading to much speculation as to whom might take over that position. However, it seems that nobody wants the job, and so Barney is stuck with it. That's cool, because Barney is good to work for, but it's too bad he wasn't able to get what he wanted. I kind of know how that is thanks to my LSI experience of not being able to transfer out of screening. It sucks.

Barney half-jokingly suggested to me that I should take the spot. I was foolish enough once, when I was younger, to accept a position like that. I'm not foolish enough to do it now.

I say that, and the team leader spot at FMC was a huge pain in my ass, but if I could go back and change anything ... I'd still accept that spot. It was good for me. Whether or not I was a good team leader is something that's subject to debate, I suppose, but I think I did ok. Sure, I didn't follow all the policies, or even most of them, and I always put my crew ahead of everything else, but the job always got done, too, and that's really all that matters.

It wasn't like I volunteered for it either. I used to be just one of the crew on mornings working for the hierarchy of Karen M, Karen L, and Judy "Ohio" C. Even though I was just another diet aide, I was a little more dependable than some of the scatterbrains that were working there at the time, and I sort of became the unofficial next in line, even if I didn't know it. When Judy was in charge, I was her right hand guy, and she and I made for a really good team. I think that's part of the reason she felt so betrayed when I moved to evenings. I dunno. Something about that kitchen poisoned a lot of otherwise good relationships.

One week I looked at the schedule and I saw a little TL notation next to my name. I remember it was the upcoming Friday I was supposed to be in charge. Not only had I never done it before, but nobody even asked me if I wanted to. They just went ahead and annointed me. So I went right into the office to see Tim (the guy in charge before Sam's reign of terror began) and asked what in the world was going on. Apparently, Karen, Karen, and Judy all needed that day off and I was next in line. I was stunned, and really nervous about it. I'd been in charge before, back at Stop 'N' Shop, but that was years ago. Plus, my crew for that day was made up out of Jayme and Betsy both, Kathy M, and somebody else I don't remember (probably Sue Byron, which might have been what ultimately saved me). Jayme AND Betsy? One or the other was dangerous enough. But BOTH? Jesus Christ. It was bad enough that either one of them felt comfortable walking all over me, but I had both of them at once to deal with.

I kind of remember it went ok. A lot of those days run together in my mind now, but I do remember that first day went all right. And for the next several months I was the fill-in guy. And a lot of my team leader days were really rough. Let me explain why.

Starting at the top, if Karen M was team leader then Karen L, Judy, and me would potentially be her crew, which meant she had the highest possibility of having the picks of the litter. If Karen L was in charge, Judy and I would probably be on crew. If Judy was in charge, she'd still have me for back-up. If I was in charge that meant that none of them were there, and I had the leftovers, which meant my days had the biggest potential for complete sucktitude. And more often than not, that's what happened. After a while I started to refer to Judy as "#3" and me as "#4", as in, "What's up #3? Who's doing what?" And Judy would always give me that look where she was split between wanting to crack up and wanting to strangle me, which is a look I got from her a lot.

This was all in 1997. Late in that summer the evening team leader spot became available, and nobody wanted it. No Body. Karen L and Judy both categorically turned it down, which meant that Tim turned the pressure on me, twisted my arm, continually tried to talk me into it, until I finally cried uncle, cracked under the pressure, and told him I'd take it. Judy didn't take the news well, thought I was crazy, and that started the rift between us. But I thought it might be a decent opportunity, and besides which, I'd just lost Samantha and needed a change in my life of some sort. I'd give it a shot.

Mike B broke me in over two shifts and then I was on my own. My early crews were somewhat nightmarish. My pool of talent during the first months was made up of Meghan, Robin, Jayme, Betsy, Russ, and Jason Walker. You can probably guess which components made up the nightmarish part, and it wasn't the first two names, nor the last two. Yeah, those two again. It took me a long while to find my footing as team leader, especially with those two pushing my limits and seeing what they could get away with, and with my two dependable diet aides (Meghan and Robin) still working out if they could trust me or whether I was really there as a spy for the morning crew. It took me some time to win them over. Not only that, but I had to deal with the Nutrition office and the Cafeteria and the evening cook. Thinking about this now, I think Kelly has it pretty easy with his crew.

The others came in later -- the crew I think of as the "classic crew", which still included Meghan, but also Jacquie, Casey, Justin, Krysten, Meredith, Christina, Jessica W, Malissa, Charlene, Jenn I, Trevor, Tony, Angel, and occassional guest appearances by Russ. I even had once in a blue moon appearances by a morning-shifter, too, like Guinevere, Emmalee, or Kathy. (That's true, isn't it? I'm sure you worked at least one evening on my crew, and I kinda remember worrying that you were thinking that my shift was a complete nut farm)

On the bad side, Tim left and Sam took over. She didn't like me anyway, and I don't think she ever did, and I was not her idea of what a team leader should be. I didn't like her either, thought she was an idiot, and created what became her permanent nickname in the underground, "the Queen of Darkness". We had so many battles it isn't even funny, over the stupidest crap you can think of. My relationship with the morning crew became completely strained, too, and everything turned into an Us vs. Them kind of thing, which didn't do anybody any good. That job drove me crazy almost every day, and if the right combination of people were on shift (Justin and Jayme together were *big* trouble) the department was on the verge of breaking down into complete anarchy at any second.

But it was one of the best work experiences of my life. Why else would I still be so nostalgic for it after so much time has passed? LSI is becoming a distant memory, but FMC still looms in my mind. And if I hadn't taken that TL job, I'd have never gotten so close with Krysten, I'd have never been Jacquie and Casey's "Uncle Shaun", the Clique (me, Justin, Jacquie, and Casey) would never have formed, I'd never have gotten to be so chummy with Christina and Meredith, and let's face it ... I really did like being in charge. I liked feeling like I was protecting my crew against everyone else when nobody else would. I liked being in position to help out people like Krysten, Jacquie, Casey, Betsy, and Jayme in times when they really did need help, or somebody to talk to, or somebody to give them some advice. I enjoyed being an outlaw and flouting the rules (like not wearing that damn white shirt). And I enjoyed filling out my infamous team leader reports.

I remember two things about my last day.

1. It was the last break. I was out at the table with Russ, Jacquie, and Casey. Some of the others were already out in the dishroom getting ready. It came time to get back to work. I stood up to go, and stopped, and obviously I wanted to say something. Jacquie, about on the verge of tears, stopped me and said, "No. Please don't say anything. I can't take it." That really got to me. All I could manage was to say thanks. And then I left to go do the dishroom for the last time.

2. Judy C, while leaving for the day as team leader, put the team leader report sheet down on the shelf where it was always left. She looked at me and said, "It's the last one. Make it a good one." I filled the entire back of the paper. I have no idea now what I wrote on it, but I let it all out. It was my last chance.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. Almost immediately I missed it and especially the people. Some of them were like a family to me. My only regret there is that I didn't get a chance to work with Guinevere more often, because if I'd stayed on first shift I know that she, Ohio, and I would have been a pretty powerful unit on that floor.

At least she and I have managed to stay in close contact all this time later, even if she did have to save me from crawling into a dark hole and staying there more than once. Without that stupid job I wouldn't have her either.

So, even if there was nothing else, it was all worth it for that.