Like a Phoenix Rising From Arizona

So where's Jen been all this week while I've been writing about other stuff? Let's catch up. Last Sunday she went rafting with her aunt out on the Connecticut River, which resulted in three things:
-- her aunt lost Jen's phone over the side, and it's now at the bottom of the river.
-- Jen got a 2nd degree case of sunburn, mostly on her legs, which are infected with oozing blisters.
-- Jen also got a bad case of poison oak.

You'd think any one of those would be enough, but then it just wouldn't be the Jen I know, who can sometimes be something of a walking disaster. Because of items two and three she missed a little work, and has been in kind of a mood. Because of item one I didn't hear from her for a few days, until one of those nights she was home and called me. Fortunately, she had the foresight to get her phone insured, and it was replaced. She called me early this morning and we talked for maybe twenty minutes. And we arranged to meet up after I got out of work, since I was getting out earlier than normal, at the truckstop.

Work was another good day. Amanda and I got sent back out to the machine shop, and I worked on something with her for a few hours. Then we got split off, and I spent the next four hours reaming holes in safety mechanisms. In the right context reaming holes is something I quite enjoy, but in this case it got a little tedious after a while. Near the end of the day Amanda ended up on another machine nearby, and I waved, and she smiled and waved. See how much better I'm becoming at this? I was also flirting with this other lady, who was working on a machine behind me, named Melinda. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I was doing it. The monster is awake, ladies and gentlemen, so hang on for a bumpy ride.

I got to the truckstop first, about ten minutes ahead of Jen. When she arrived I walked over to her father's borrowed truck and said, "Well, if it isn't Jennifer (her last name), live and in person." We talked for probably a half hour. She asked me how my day was, and I answered. "It was a really good day." And because I was smiling and in an obviously good mood, she looked at me somewhat quizzically. So I went on, "Everyday is a good day."

She didn't agree, as she's had something of a miserable week, due mainly to the factors listed above, but also because Rugers may not be all that she was hoping for, and she's started to do that thing where she's talking about maybe going back to this other job (not LSI) that she's been in an obsessive love/hate relationship with since I've known her, or just up and taking off to Arizona. That's a new one. Up to now it's been Tennessee. She's discussed some of her Rugers issues with me in previous conversations, and while they do (for the most part) seem reasonable, I also believe that Jen has a self-destruct button somewhere on her that she doesn't know that she pushes anytime something might be all right.

So you never know with her. A lot of what she says can be written off as her typical bluster, but some of it is entirely feasible. To know which is which you kinda have to get into the rhythm of it. I'm mostly hip to it. But insomuch as the roller coaster of trying to be in a relationship with this girl goes, and her potential theoretical flight to Tennessee or Arizona goes, I'm about over it. Whether she's done it on purpose or not, Jen has done a pretty good job of weaning me off of her the past few weeks. I always knew there was an invisible clock ticking down on me and her, going back to the post in this blog where I covered the fact that she and I were officially going out, almost two months ago. She and I aren't really compatible, and I've always known that, even if I let myself get caught up in the whole thing for a while. The past few weeks I've come to my own conclusions while the whole Rugers thing has been blossoming for me.

I'll tell you one thing, I'll never doubt the Wheel of Destiny again. The mechanism is in the works, and I'm being led somewhere, towards some ultimate destiny. Jen was brought into my life to turn me upside-down, move me along to a better job, show me that I'm better than the situation I was in, prove to me that smart and attractive young ladies can still be interested in me, and overall ... she left me better than she found me. For all of that she'll always be one of my favorite people. And what I want for her is to be happy, even if her happiness doesn't correspond with being with me. And I'll never forget what she's done for me, because the Shaun that exists right now is one that's never existed before. Due to her influence, the anger and bitterness has gone, my thoughts of inadequacy are gone, and the shell I've always hidden in has been cracked wide open. And I'm only just begun. I have a lot of fish to fry.

And I have a lot of time to make up for.