Save the Cheerleader ...

Yesterday I listed some of the crazy things I happen to believe in: Calliope, the goddess, the Nice Lady, dreams that can see through the Bleed, and while this next one wasn't said outright I did kind of imply ... nightmares that act as a malevolent force determined to sabotage my happiness. Added to that list is the whole concept of the Wheel of Destiny. I've hinted at that here a little bit in prior posts, and Guinevere has heard about it at greater length, but I don't think I've ever spilled it all out in full detail as I understand it. So here we go.

I have a destiny. I've believed in that for several years now, ever since the machinations of the Wheel first became apparent to me. What that destiny is ... I don't know. But when it arrives I will be ready for it. I will be prepared. I will fulfill my role in the Greater Purpose when my time comes. I just hope I'll recognize the call when it comes. I'm sure this all sounds very Heroes, but I do believe in this.

The Wheel of Destiny, as I understand it to be directing and manipulating my life, reaches back to July 1992. It is at this point that the goddess or the Nice Lady, or just whatever it is that powers the Wheel reached down and picked me up out of the wreckage and set me on my new course. Now it may seem to you that the following route is a long, convoluted one, and you may also say that I'm seeing out of these details only what I want to see, but hear me out.

--Step One. While working at Stop N Shop I meet Dan, and we become close friends.

--Step Two. Through Dan I'm introduced to X (she who will not be named). Now you'd think this is really doing me no favors, but you'll see how it all works out as part of the Larger Plan.

As a side trip here, partially thanks to X, I left Stop N Shop earlier than I might have on my own, and subsequently had job experiences in Northampton and Hadley that enriched my life at the time.

--Step Three. Because I'm involved with X, I meet her brother Troy, and he helps me get a job at the Medical Center. I'd never even thought of applying there before this. Without him, I might never have gotten in there.

Also: Through X, I meet Lynne. Through Lynne I meet her two kids, Jason and Amanda. Amanda, age 9 at the time, especially takes a shine to me. Numerous times I'm left to watch the two of them while X and Lynne go out shopping, which of course I happily agree to do. In fact, it's probably the one thing I need right then more than anything else. The big secret, known by Melissa and I, will stay buried for a few more years before Dan, Shannon, or even Colleen learn about it.

--Step Four. While I'm happy working in Housekeeping, I am only a per diem employee. The kitchen then makes me an offer I can't refuse, and I take it. The move into the kitchen, while not something I'm always happy with does move me into extremely significant spheres of influence later on.

--Step Five. Through X and her friend Crystal, I meet Shannon. Shannon and I become fast friends, and she eventually saves my life by inspiring me to remove X first from the apartment and then from my life. Having served her purpose in getting me into the hospital, X is no longer necessary to the Wheel.

At the end of the summer Shannon and I also part ways. Even though she and I do hang out again sporadically over the next 10 months, her influence on my Destiny at this point is negligible. However, at this same point Dan, who had been manipulated out of the loop by X, returns to my life...

--Step Six. While riding along with Dan on his bulk mail delivery route, I start talking to some people on the CB. Eventually, we agree to meet up, which is when I first encounter Milta. I'll do the story on her eventually, but let me hit the essential points as relates to the Wheel. Through talking to Milta I take the first steps in dealing with both Erin and Miranda in the three years since the incident. She also encourages me to work through some of it by writing it out. The book is born here in Step Six.

Four months later, the book underway, Milta and I part ways. She is no longer necessary to move the Wheel along, but her contributions to destiny are still deeply appreciated.

--Step Seven. Samantha and Chrissy. We'll call this the optional step, as neither of them directly influenced the Wheel outright, but they did keep me happy during a period of time that would have been pitch black without them. They kept me writing when I started to figure out just how hard writing a book was going to be. And perhaps most significantly, they helped raise my Q rating at the hospital, which will help out later on.

--Step Eight. I'm made team leader for the evening crew ... partially against my will. This alienates me from some of my friends on the morning crew, but it puts me in position to get close to people I wouldn't have been able to while on the other shift: Jacquie, Casey, Krysten, Justin, and others.

At this point the Wheel is only slowly manipulating me into place. After Chrissy leaves for Florida, and Dan briefly moves to South Carolina, I almost give up completely. I continue to write, but I become incredibly decadent and over the Summer of Darkness the legend of Church grows into a huge big thing among my co-workers. Things start to weave back together after I make the trip to bring Dan home, I go cold turkey on Church sometime in November, and I meet Guinevere.

Guinevere is undeniably important to the process, and many times is the glue holding me together, but I can't define yet exactly what part she's playing in the overall destiny. Perhaps that is yet to come.

--Step Nine. Jude and I hook up. As with X, some people might object to the choice I made there, where I essentially picked her over Lynne and Krysten, but I have to follow the evidence, and she did play her part. Almost a year to the day after our hook-up, Jude decided to move to Vermont, and thus began the battle for my soul on the kitchen stage. Should I go? Should I stay? Guinevere did exert some of her influence over me here, gently nudging me towards my destiny. But it was a really hard sell.

--Step Ten. The move to Vermont. I agreed I'd move if I found a decent job, and I did ... the one I'm currently working. I start there on second shift, leaving Massachusetts and the hospital behind. I'm not terribly happy in Vermont, but the Wheel is already in motion.

Over the winter I train a guy named Rob. When Jude and I split the following spring, he is the person who helps me find a place to live ... where I am right now. Without him I might not have found a place to stay around here and might have had to crawl back to Mass with my tail tucked. But the Wheel placed Rob in my path to cover that. And having served her purpose in getting me to New Hampshire, the Wheel no longer needs Jude. Rob? He sticks around for a while, long enough for me to return the favor by helping him out of a very sticky jam. It isn't long, however, before the Wheel moves him along also.

--Step Eleven. During a massive housecleaning of second shift I am one of the few spared, and I'm moved to first shift where I remain to the current day. This step has taken so long that I began to doubt the machinations of the Wheel. I started to think that Destiny had forsaken me or left me behind. Why, after all that moving me around, would it drop me at that job and leave me for so long?

Guinevere, meanwhile, continues to be an intregal part in keeping me from succumbing to complete despair during this time. Thank goodness for her.

--Step Twelve. Jen. I can't predict where the Wheel is going to take me, ever, but I can usually tell when it's being put into play. I was down and out, barely even there, and she came in and turned me upside-down. Now I'm in a relationship and I'm getting out of that job. I don't know what's going to happen, not at all.

But the Wheel of Destiny hasn't forsaken me.