Hitman

So I start work the day after tomorrow. I have the general idea of what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm suffering a bit from first day jitters, in that after being a big fish in my little pond for a few years, it'll be hard going back to square one. I wish it was September already, which would mean I'm a couple months in, comfortable, and probably pretty good at what I'm doing. I want to get past the new guy thing as quick as I can. I really just want to get down to work.

I took a lot of pride in what I did while I was at LSI. When I started there I was completely green, and had no idea what I was doing or what was going on whatsoever. It was very confusing and disorganized. At first I didn't like it. The transition out of Massachusetts was difficult enough, but being baffled by my new job only made it worse. I felt like an idiot every night for weeks, and hated feeling that way. Then I decided that I was going to learn that screening job one way or the other, and not only that, I was going to be the best goddam screener in the building.

I'm competitive that way. Even at my first job, which was at a supermarket, I could get into the spirit of being the best. I was probably a cashier for two months the first time I saw the big chart on the wall upstairs. This chart measured all the cashiers different statistics, but we were ranked first to last based on only one: Items Per Minute. On that first chart I was somewhere around #14 out of about 30 of us. I was determined to climb that list.

Within a couple weeks I was 4th, behind Jeff, Carrie, and Nicole in that order. My numbers were only a hair lower than Carrie and Nicole, but Jeff had a good lead on me. A week or two after that I'd overtaken the two girls, and had Jeff in my sights. I wanted that #1 spot really bad. Before I decided that I was taking that spot, nobody really noticed the list all that much or paid much attention. I was the one who made it into something, and because of that Jeff upped his game so he could defend his championship. I probably had to work another month at it to overtake him, but once I did ... it was mine. I held that crown for like 18 months until Jessica took me down, and once she took the spot I couldn't regain it. She had that same drive in her, and she was younger and hungrier.

But I didn't fall further than #2. Even with Jessica on top of the list she and I were still in the 31 and 32 IPM range. That's 31 Items Per Minute averaged across an entire shift, which isn't easy to pull off. We were slamming those groceries out.

At the hospital I had this same competitive urge. At first, in Housekeeping, I just wanted to prove myself to the rest of the boys, so I worked as outrageously hard as I could. I wanted to be the best. The same kind of applied to Food Service, too, at least at first. On the morning shift I was determined to be the best Diet Aide on the floor, although I had some serious competition on that score. I do think, however, that I became someone upon whom the team leaders could depend upon no matter what.

Then I took the position that would ultimately define my hospital tenure: evening team leader. I could have tried to become the best team leader possible, but my views on how that position needed to be handled didn't exactly match up with the views of the administration. Plus, I tend to be rebellious and anti-authority at times. If I'm just a working stiff I'll do whatever I'm told, as long as I'm getting paid for it. You know, very mercenary. But that job was different. The people on that shift needed me to look out for them, and that's what I did, even if that meant butting heads with Sam all the time, which is what happened. I have no regrets there.

Then at LSI, trying to cope with this incomprehensible job, I turned back into a Gunslinger. I decided I was going to become the best screener there. And with a little work, that's exactly what I did. During my last five years there, I was the best screener in the building. Starr is pretty good, but she isn't as driven as I am. Nobody else even came close. I might have been the best screener to ever work down there. And now that I'm gone, there may never be another one like me. Check out that humility.

But now I'm starting over, and I'm a little anxious. The competitive fires, however, are already lighting up. I can't coast on my laurels any longer. I have to be a Gunslinger again.

Bring it on.