The Letter

I did call her before she read this and we talked. The conversation went very well. I'll talk about that next time. But this is the letter I wrote prior to that phone call.

*****

Dear Cookie,

I hate this. There, I said it. It's true. I hate
it. It sucks. It's terrible. I don't want to do it
anymore.

Sure, I was a little hurt, confused, disappointed, and
depressed. Sure, people were telling me you were
saying this and that. I don't care. I don't care
who said what to who or why. I don't care what
anyone's problem with anyone else is. I miss you. I
miss talking to you. I miss hanging out with you. I
miss all of it.

I like you. That might have been what caused the
problem or scared you off or whatever happened. I
don't care. I *do* like you. I haven't stopped. I'm
not going to stop. That's just the way it is. I told
you it was too late, and it is. I like you and that's
my cross to bear. It doesn't have to be a problem or
come between us. It was never my intention to push it
any further than you knowing I like you.

I understand the what and why of everything you said.
You don't want to hurt me, and I appreciate that you
feel that way, because usually nobody cares a whole
lot whether or not they hurt me. You're probably
right about the apartment thing, and it probably would
be a disaster, and you probably would be better off
with someone else as a roomie. It changes nothing for
me. I still miss you.

This week hasn't been any fun for me. It's been kind
of miserable. And whatever the hell that was that
happened yesterday wasn't initiated by me, and was
done against my wishes. I figured you and I would
eventually work our own stuff out, and we were
starting to do that before other jerks got involved
and made it worse. And I spent most of today thinking
it was done now and you were pissed at me. Maybe you
are. I don't know.

Either way, this sucks and I hate it.

I would rather just talk to you about it sometime when
you aren't busy and have the time. You know where to
find me and how to get ahold of me, and it's an open
invite. Anytime, Cookie.

Shaun

*****

Her e-mail response: "Ur gunna make me cry."

*****

Sometimes I do know what I'm doing after all.